This day can go one of two ways for a single girl. You either drink wine with your mates and talk about how stupid the entire day is... Or else you have a colossal break down and cry into a tub of ice cream whilst watching The Notebook. Either way, it never turns out the way you think it will.
1. Spending the night in with your girlos.
Expectation: Chocolate and chill. Maybe (definitely) crack open a couple of bottles of wine. We'll watch some Slasher movies and laugh about all of the stupid things that men have done to us in the past. "And then he actually had the nerve to come to my apartment and beg for me back." "Well, I hope you told him to feck off?" "Of course I did!" WOO GIRL POWER. The hardest decision you'll have to make on Valentine's day is what to have for dinner, Chinese or Indian?
Reality: Everyone is in top spirits when you meet up. The chocolate goes down well, but the second the wine starts flowing the vibe changes completely. "Like, I'm super happy being single and all, but sometimes I just wonder if anyone will ever really like me for ME?" "Oh my God shut up Claire, you are beautiful and any man would be lucky to have you. It's me I'm worried about. Who would love these thighs?" And the night continues on like this until you're all pissed off and drunk texting every lad you've ever been with.
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2. Eating lots of chocolate.
Expectation: I'm a single gal on V-Day, what else can I do but stuff my face with as much chocolately goodness as I can? I'm talking Galaxy, Ben and Jerrys, Ferrero Roche, Nutella, Kinder Bueno, Terrys Chocolate Orange, Reeses Pieces, Malteasers, Dairy Milk and Milky Stars. If I'm doing this, I'm doing this right.
Reality: You go to the ATM to take out money for your chocolate binge, and you have insufficient funds. Great. You find a loose 2 euro coin at the bottom of your bag. You spend 20 minutes in front of the chocolate bars, deciding which one to choose. You choose a Galaxy. And you devour it on the way home, so you have nothing to eat while you watch the Notebook. What is life, and why is it so hard.
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3. Spending the day by yourself.
Expectation: Valentine's Day isn't even a real holiday, it’s a non-holiday. It was created by the big corporations to sell heart shaped chocolates and roses. I'm gonna spend my day shopping, eating pizza, doing face masks and watching The Grinch. (It's a classic, I can watch it whenever I want.) So happy to not be in a relationship, I'd have to spend well-earned money on a stupid present AND I'd have to shave my legs, pls.
Reality: Ok, so the shops may be full of couples holding hands, it's ok because I know they're just idiots buying into the whole corporate "Valentine's Day" shebang. Also, it turns out I'm allergic to the face mask and I end up looking like a peeling tomato. Oh well, no one will see me. When I try to flirt with the pizza delivery man, he just blurts "Sorry I have a girlfriend," and runs away. He forgets to take my money. FREE PIZZA. It isn't until I'm watching The Grinch that I break down. His heart grows three sizes, why won't my heart grow for anyone? Tears and pizza.
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4. Hanging out with a lad you like but just "as friends."
Expectation: Ok, so you're going to hang out on V-day because you're both single... No biggie. He's your best friend and you don't want to ruin it, but you're kind of in love with him. On the day you bond with him and you laugh a lot. You really think that he's starting to like you. At the end of the day you watch a movie together and it's perfect. As he leaves he tells you he wants to bring you on a real date sometime. This day sets the wheels in motion for a perfect relationship.
Reality: You're getting ready to meet up with him. You don't have your hopes up too high but you're pretty sure this is the day he's going to fall madly in love with you. Five minutes before you're meant to meet him you get a call. "Sorry I won't be able to make it tonight, Megan and I are back together. We're getting married and going to try for a baby. Isn't that great buddy?" Cue hang up. Cue crying. Cue ice-cream.
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5. I'm free to do what I want.
Expectation: All of my friends in relationships are going to be sooo jealous. I'm gonna go out, flirt with whoever I want, get really drunk and dance until morning. All while they're going to be having a boring dinner, stuck with a stupid boy, not allowed to get messy drunk and in bed before 11pm. I'm young, wild and free. FUQ U VALENTINE'S DAY.
Reality: Ready for a night of dancing and drinking with my girls. Oh wait. Everyone has a date or they’re staying in because it’s a school night. Cool. I guess I'll just drink this naggin at home, alone, with my cat, I don't even have a cat, whose cat is this.
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6. Binge Watching Netflix.
Expectation: Without a man to hold you back, you have complete control over what you watch. There's nobody there to tell you that Hannah Montana: The Movie isn't an option. There's no silly boy to rule out watching three rom-coms in a row. You have control, and you use it very wisely. You choose the perfect film and you cuddle up happily with your blanket and wine.
Reality: You spend an hour choosing the 'perfect' film, and when you finally settle on Pride and Prejudice, you're already drunk and you fall asleep before the opening credits finish. You wake up on the couch the next morning thinking you've pissed yourself because your wine spilled all over you. At least you wake up and it's not Valentine's Day anymore. It wasn't perfect, but congratulations, you made it through another year.
