The Stages Of Making A New Friend

You've just started a new job or school etc and are completely and utterly friendless. You're about to go through the stages of making a new friend, but don't worry, everybody has to start somewhere...

Saying hello

You’ve made eye contact with them too many times for it to go unsaid, you’re going to have to say hello. Whether you’ve seen them 5 times today in college or have been working alongside them for the last 30 minutes somebody is going to have to say something.


Awkward Chit Chat

The first conversation has started and you’ve just realised you’re absolutely screwed because you have no idea how to talk to somebody new. You don’t know anything about them and you’re suddenly trapped in this social ritual that demands you at least pretend to care about their holiday to Magaluf last year or some other shit they're spouting. Just don’t make a fool of yourself or forget their name and you’re golden.


Eventually you’ll actually be able to hold some sort of a real conversation with this person. You’ve both gotten over the awkward stage and can now start making those jokes you were afraid to make because you had no idea how they’d react. Suddenly you learn a lot about each other, sometimes more than you'd like to know.



Social Media

Should you add them….or is it still too early? What if they end up looking at old photos/posts on facebook and see how much of a freak you really are? Realistically it doesn’t matter because youre probably going to the same to them. After a while you’re suddenly friends with them on facebook, following them on Instagram/twitter and you’re not entirely sure how this happened.



In jokes

The smallest thing can send the two of you in to cackles of laughter all because of a private joke. Others will suddenly become uncomfortable as the conversation devolves into a series of jokes nobody else gets that can range from facebook chat references to just random nouns that remind you of various points in your friendships. To anybody not included in the in-joke...it can get awkward.


Full blown insults

After a while you can’t remember the last time you greeted this person without adding an insult to the end of the sentence. Outside of your friendship you wouldn’t dare talk to somebody like this, but nothing quite expresses your relationship with this person like random curse words.




This person has met your family and has no problems talking to your mother over a cup of tea and a few biscuits. Your parents ask how they’re getting on with life and your nan even lights an extra candle for them for their exam results. This person who you awkwardly talked to about your holidays has eventually become part of the family and you can’t remember a time without them.


Shane Collins
Facebook messenger