The 15 Commandments Of Tinder

Ah, Tinder. Taking the effort out of sexual encounters since 2012. However, there's an etiquette to this glorious app that many people just don't seem to get. These people are out there making an absolute mess of things and getting tonnes of left swipes due to schoolboy errors. In order to be a dating app whiz, you're gonna need to follow these 15 commandments of Tinder:

1) Thou shalt not go on Tinder just to meet friends. You are a time waster.

2) Thou shalt not covet Tinder profiles when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
3) Thou shalt always have a profile pic because why the fuck wouldn't you? Don't you get how Tinder works?

4) Thou shalt not include group shots in your Tinder gallery. We're not playing Where's Wally here, people.
5) Thou shalt leave out pretentious overly posed, filtered-ass pictures. This ain't Instagram.

6) Thou shalt not direct people to swipe left if you do not meet your outlined criteria. We do what we want.
7) Thou shalt always include a wide variety of pictures from which you can be judged accurately.
8) Thou shalt not include inspiration quotes in your tagline. Fuck Marilyn Monroe and fuck you.
9) Thou shalt never appear with one other person in all your pictures who is more attractive than you: stop using your hot friend to entrap us.
10) Thou shalt not include pictures of yourself from a few years back. Yeah, you looked great there but we both know you don't actually look like that anymore.

11) Thou shalt always include an introduction; we don't need your life story but give us some kind of impression and something to use as a conversational jumping point.

12) Thou shalt never include pictures that hide your face. Seriously, what do you expect to achieve with that tactic?
13) Thou shalt never include pictures that don't show your body. It's painfully obvious when a midriff never appears in a picture that something fishy is going on.
14) Thou shalt not include pictures from your childhood. It's offputting and it's kind of the wrong place for it.
15) Thou shalt not include a profile pics of you with your kids.

Joey Flanagan
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His friends call him Joe, you can call him Mr. Flanagan. A keen taxidermist and prolific writer of erotic Fair City fan-fiction, Joey's accomplishments include completing the Camino de Santiago, getting Ray D'Arcy's autograph over 200 times, and knocking a pig unconscious with one square punch to its jaw.
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