It’s universally agreed that being on the receiving end of a dumping is one of the worst things that can happen. But what about the person on the other end of the dump? (The dumper? The dumpster?) Making the decision to break someone’s heart is not an easy thing to do, even if you know it’s best in the long term.
Most of us have been the dastardly dumper, even if it was back when you were ten and you did it by getting your friend to pass a note. So in order to celebrate and commiserate this horrible rite of passage, here are the 19 stages of breaking up with someone, as told by Friends. Because why not.
1. Coming to terms with the fact that you want to break up with your SO is a bit of a brain melt.
2. You look at the situation from every angle until you feel like your head is about to explode
3. You make long lists of pros and cons.
4. But once you see the truth there’s no unseeing it.
5. Finally saying it out loud sounds way more harsh than it did in your head.
6. The dumpee has no idea, even though you’ve been dropping mad hints.
7. At first they just won’t accept it.
8. And then they make you feel like the worst person in the world.
9. And you pretty much agree with them.
10. Your apologies sound completely inauthentic.
11. No matter how many different ways you try to say it.
12. They gain some composure and try to pretend everything’s a-ok.
13. Your friends try to congratulate you on your freedom but you’re not really in the mood to celebrate.
14. Because it’s suddenly dawned on you that you’re single again.
15. So you turn to the best solution you know: alcohol.
16. You suppress your feelings of guilt with food.
17. But eventually you realise that you really did do the right thing.
18. And that everyone’s going to be okay.