Things Only Guys With Big Dicks Will Understand...

Most of you lucky bastards will never understand the burden - nay, the curse - of having a penis of truly Jurassic proportions. But for those of you out there who can sympathise, you are not alone. Friends, brothers, guys with big dicks, this is for you...

You can never wear chinos.

When sitting on the toilet, your lad always touches the water.

For decency's sake, you constantly get asked to leave swimming pools.

Trying to hide an erection is futile... you're not so much pitching a tent as a marquee.


Jap's eye? You wish. With this monster, it's more like the Eye of Sauron.

You suffer recurring nightmares about clubbing small woodland creatures to death with your fleshy baton.

Trouser manufacturers claim there is no market for your three-legged pant idea.

According to your doctor, you may never be able to participate in a marathon. The high risk of tripping and the intense friction between fabric and phallus make it far too dangerous.

The entire men's bathroom clears out when you enter because you make everyone at the urinal feel insecure.

When you go to the hospital, the nurses always repeat the same "we're gonna need a bigger catheter" joke.

After a night of heavy drinking, your Penis De Milo has water pressure comparable to that of a fire hose.

Technically speaking, you've got a fiveskin.

Joey Flanagan
Article written by
His friends call him Joe, you can call him Mr. Flanagan. A keen taxidermist and prolific writer of erotic Fair City fan-fiction, Joey's accomplishments include completing the Camino de Santiago, getting Ray D'Arcy's autograph over 200 times, and knocking a pig unconscious with one square punch to its jaw.
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