Dating can be a formidable and daunting experience. There's always the fear that you will come on too strong and make a fool of yourself. Or worse yet, be branded a creep, aka the most undatable of bar-folk. But all is not lost. Here's a quick guide on how to be less creepy the next time you're out on the pull:
1) Calm Down
I get it, dating can be scary. The fear of rejection is tough, but at least try to relax. Your nerves will just bounce off you whoever you're trying to chat up and it will just be uncomfortable. So fake it 'til you make it. Maybe a little drop of liquid courage might help ease you up. Just don't overindulge and nearly throw up all over them. Don't try too hard or come on too strong, rejection isn't the end of the world. Take a few breaths and calm down.
2) Don't Open With Chat Up Lines/ Negging/ Sexual Compliments
Never, ever start an encounter with the line 'sweet tits.' That line is a legitimate reason to punch you in the face. Cheesy pick-up lines can work sometimes, but really it's better to leave them to a second encounter, not your first impression. Maybe don't open with a compliment, instead just say hello. Negging doesn't work all the time, for the most part people prefer nice people, don't creep them out by saying they are the most attractive person in the world ever. Keep at a nice medium.
3) Hold Back Touching & Respect Personal Space
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Really it depends on the context. A playful hit on the arm when they make a joke can be cute, a hand placed on the small of the back to get their attention can be sweet, but leaving your hand there can be unsettling. Unwanted physical contact is a killer move in the dating world. Don't get all up in their personal space, leave them some room to breathe at least. Invading someone's personal bubble is a seriously creepy offense. If you want to get somewhere with this person, don't be so close that they can feel your breath.
4) Learn To Deal With Rejection
People get rejected all the time, it's not the end of the world, there are loads of options out there for everyone. However, I realise how much it sucks when someone you like just does not feel the same way. How you deal with the rejection really shows who you are: an insecure creep or nice guy? Don't assume that she's not into you because she's 'crazy', or a lesbian, or has a boyfriend, she just isn't into you. Simple as that. Take it and move on, tell her to have a good night and don't try to change her mind. No means no.
5) They Don't Owe you Anything
Just because someone is nice to you, it doesn't mean that they're in love with you. Just because someone accepts a compliment from you, it doesn't mean that they have to return it. Just because you offered to buy them a drink, it doesn't mean they have to sleep with you. They don't owe you anything, so stop acting like they do, you big creep. You're probably not the best they can do, so don't be so full of yourself and back off.
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6) Don't Trap Them
What are you trying to do, make them think you're a serial killer? If they are trying to get away from you by mentioning their friend over by the bar or needing to go to the bathroom, don't stop them and try to keep talking to them. There are trying to get away from you, let them go. You had your shot, let them go have a good night.
7) Treat Them Like a Human Being
Don't hang all your hopes and dreams on one person, that's beyond creepy, in fact that's serious desperation and emotional dependence. You should be able to depend on yourself to make you happy. Also, don't treat them like a potential masturbation machine. There's a whole lot more to a person than their genitals.
8) Learn To Compliment Well
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Compliment people on something they chose, as opposed to something they have no control over. For example, their hairstyle or outfit as opposed to their butt. Don't try to convince them to get with you because you'd make a great couple, or because you're both so good-looking. Again, just because he/she's good-looking it doesn't mean that they owe you an audience.
9) Stop Staring So Much
A little staring is fine, but constantly gazing at the person you like with hungry eyes and without blinking is creepy. There's no way around it. This goes for Facebook pages as well. Don't stare at their profile picture all day, or worse yet, while you're in their company. How will that look to them? Like you're a massive creep is how!
10) Have Something To Talk About
After saying 'hi' and not forcing yourself into their personal space, don't expect them to carry the conversation. You started this, don't wait for them to start talking. You have more to offer than blank stares and smiles. Ask them what they do in college, whether they like it or not. Ask them if they've heard about some current thing that's happening in the news and what their opinion on it is. However, if you're in a club or somewhere where it's too loud to be heard, don't bother, or ask them if they want to go somewhere with you to talk. There's nothing romantic about shouting in someone's ear.
11) Don't Hit On People Who Are Paid To Be Nice To You
They might go along with your creepy compliments, but only because they can't tell you to fuck off in case they could get fired. Most servers/ sales assistants have to ask you how your day is going, their job is to make sure you have a good experience in the café/ restaurant/ shop so that you return. Don't take their smiles and their 'have a nice day' as a welcome for sexual advances. They're like that with everyone. No matter how nice they are on the surface, they might hate you underneath it all.
