In any chosen career, one of the most comforting things to have available to you is the knowledge of a clear and structured ladder of progression. Such is the luxury of the Love Island stars and dear, beautiful Eyal is the latest to make the time-honoured jump from 'sex-villa evictee' to 'model for the branded jumpers of various regional UK polytechnic universities'. It is a logical career step so cliched, so predictable, it barely warrants an article - and yet, here we are.
I think, if you were to make a list of the reasons as to why someone might buy a jumper, buying one because you've seen it modeled by a short-lived contestant on a reality TV star would feature highly. I'm not saying it would be clinch top spot, but we're certainly talking the upper half of the table. I'm imagining it would nestle somewhere neatly between 'having to replace a jumper you've spilled lots of gravy on during a competitive gravy drinking competition you regrettably entered' and 'being mildly cold in just a t-shirt'.
When you have a ghost that you think is in need of some serious busted, you call the Ghostbusters, so too when you have a university branded jumper you need marketed in anticipation of Freshers' Week, you call Eyal.
Eyal's involvement came to light when the SU of Hallam University in Sheffield, shared an image of their collection of branded collegewear from the next academic year. Nestled amongst its glossy pages, lay Eyal doing some of his modelling.
His rich curls are in full pomp, his vaguely haunted eyes are in their full quasi-vacant splendour, Eyal, is in his element. It is rare that we as a society are offered the chance to witness someone's meisterwerk, someone's magnum opus, and recognise it as such during their lifetime. The designation of the pinnacle of someone's career is all too often a posthumous affair. Yet it is our luxury, our honour to see that this, this moment, is what Eyal was born for, the culmination of his existence. Eyal, was born to model the JH006 Polyester Hoodie, available in a range of five colours. We, us lucky few, are privileged to bear witness to this.
However, such is Eyal's range, such is his insatiable lust and verve for promoting the sale of synthetic hoodies, emblazoned with the iconography of various regional UK universities, that this merely represents the tip of the jumper iceberg.
— Lauren (@HGBasilisk) June 15, 2018
He is resplendent. He was too big for Love Island, it's narrow shores could not contain him. It merely provided the launchpad so that he may ascend to fulfill his true potential, so that he may model hoodies for various regional polytechnic universities of the UK.