Don't @ me! You know it's true, you just haven't realised it yet!
This week's trailer for the new season has everyone frothing at the eyeballs as we get closer to the final events where we'll find out just who will forever rule the Seven Kingdoms - if they even still exist come the end of the series. And I, for one, hope to Christ is not that absolute dose Daenerys.
First off, have a look at the hoop she's spewing in the new trailer and then read why we should all pray she doesn't end up ruler of the Seven Kingdoms.
Her name is frankly ridiculous
Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons.
She sounds like a jumped up bollox from D4. How up your own arse do you need to be have that many names? Was she afraid she'd be outshone in the political-figures-called-Danny stakes if she didn't have more surnames than Danny Healy-Rae?
She's a two trick poney
Daenarys is the Colm Cooper of Braavos. Ok so she has dragons and she burn-proof but what's the big deal? Just because you give birth to dragons doesn't mean you're any craic. A true leader leads by their character not by their ability to threaten you with fire-breathing beasts.
Does she really free slaves?
She's going round the place freeing all these slaves but then they follow her everywhere. Are the Unsullied truly free? Or were they brainwashed into becoming her slaves and destined to either die in battle or, at best, live out their days in an army camp?
Would you vote for her in an election between all the Game of Thrones characters?
Let's consider the possibility that the Seven Kingdoms becomes a democracy and everyone stops fighting. All the would-be kings and queens now have to convince you that they should get your vote. There's absolutely no way you're voting for her.
Jon Snow is as earnest as the day is long and his name is fun to say, Sansa would blossom before the media into a strong and fierce woman, Tyrion could inspire the audience with great rhetoric, Arya would be a bit of craic ... Even Cersei and Jaime could woo a crowd but Daenerys would just spend debates repeating all her titles over and over again until everyone fell asleep.
Would you go for a bag of cans with her?
I refer thee to the above. Name to me one time she appeared to be a bit of craic. She seems to have no interest in anything other than power. You'd knock plenty of fun out of everyone else but Khaleesi would be that person who just stands around at parties and makes minutes feel like hours as you try to make conversation.
Everything boring about Game of Thrones centres around her
Last season in particular felt very cumbersome at times. Why? Because so much of every episode was either her and her followers sauntering from place to place or Danny getting into some sort of moral or pyhsical dilemma no one could really give a shite about because you knew after about four epsiodes of it she'll just 'fix' the issue by getting the dragons to set everyone on fire. Get to Westeros already!!
She will end up responsible for wiping out an entire species
Speaking of setting things on fire, what have goats ever done to deserve such horrible treatment?
She's stringing that poor auld lad along and she knows it
'Oh what's that Jorah, you love me? Oh golly gosh, I never noticed.' Don't give me that shite. She knew rightly he was mad for her but said nothing because it suited her to have him around for counsel.
What he sees in her I'll never know. Like what would they talk about when the Great War is over. He may actually be more boring than her. Get a hobby, son!