When society follows its seemingly inevitable trajectory and comes to a calamitous and fiery end - sometime around March 2018 - I have but one wish for whatever New World Order arises from the ashes of human civilisation. Not that we learn from the mistakes from our past ie. your present, nor that we strive to take this wiping of the cultural slate as an opportunity to make it a prosecutable offence for anyone to wear double-denim; rather, my one wish is that we implement a new rigid hierarchical structure within society entirely predicated on whether or not someone likes Alan Partridge.
Fans of Partridge - one of the Western world's greatest comic creations - will live a life of unbridled luxury in this post-apocalyptic world. They will have first dibs on the freshest rat meat, will drink the water least tainted by radioactive contamination and will be allowed to wear as many feather boas as they damn well choose - the other status symbol in this Brave New World. As for all those non-fans of Alan Partridge - or 'heretic scum' in the soon to be universal vernacular - well, we will need something other than the giant mutated and very angry rats to run on the large treadmills that will power the televisions implanted in every home exclusively showing the ouevre of Alan Partridge on an interminable loop.
In short, you can use this quiz to test if you're a fan of Alan Partridge or not. All the quotes come from the two seasons of I'm Alan Partridge so it's essentially the quotes that even a cursory fan might know. When the New World Order takes over however, I will be lobbying for a more comprehensive assessment to really separate out any chaff that is passing as wheat.