We've all had to work in retail. We've miserably been on the sites that advertise student jobs at some when things have been bleak. At some point we've been put in a position where we've had to take a job that won’t lead to any sort of personal development, but we've taken it quite simply because we need the money. As a result you get to spend time with those oh so wonderful customers, playing bingo with the things that we can expect to see in a normal day. Here’s 8 customers that everyone who has had the pleasure of working in retail will have come across at one point.
1. The Serial Returner
“I'm sorry, I must've picked up the wrong size..” a sentence we retail veterans will know only too fucking well. Every week the same people come in to return their purchases from the week previous. And they never seem to remember that you only offer store credit on returns. Yes, the serial returner is always a staple of the Saturday morning shift, clogging up the customer service desks with multiple receipts and store credit notes. Always best to avoid.
2. The Inquisitor
You’d better make sure that you've done your company research before you come across this customer. “Is this microwave friendly?” “Where any worms harmed in the making of this product?” Expect to be thrown questions and queries on a variety topics, ranging from the supply chain of the company you work for to the relative distance of the store to the sun. There is no question too outlandish for this customer.
3. The Tantrum Child
Let’s be honest, when you’re three years old, you don’t want to be getting dragged around the gluten free section of a supermarket. Whereas most grown adults may be able to vocalize when they're fed up,the average toddler will choose to be...a little more honest and loud about it. It’s easy to get stressed when these little tykes are ripping up the aisle, screaming at a volume that could shatter bullet-proof glass, but let’s be honest, if you’re working a stock take on an Easter weekend, you’re probably screaming on the inside anyway.
4. The Over-Familiar Patron
If there was ever a way to determine if someone has had garlic with their lunch, you’ll find out with the over-familiar customer. These space invaders are all too keen to get right up in your business. If you’re extremely unlucky, they might even try to try to place a hand on your shoulder/hand/waist, or worse! The horror! We all know these customers give off a particularly creepy vibe, especially when they ask you seemingly random or unnecessary questions. The best way to deal with these pests is to keep moving. As fast as you can. In the direction of the staff room if possible.
5. The Mystery Shopper
Now, this is an interesting one as many of us are unsure as to the existence of the ever elusive mystery shopper. These retail ninja’s could strike at any time, and you won’t even know that you've come across one. The only time you’ll ever know if you've come across a mystery shopper is when you’re randomly pulled in by your line manager for a telling off because you’re not meeting the smile quota with your customers. Be aware, you could be standing next a mystery shopper right now….
6. The Anger Management Patient
“YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU DON’T HAVE MEN’S UMBRELLAS IN JULY??? WHAT IS THIS? SPAIN?!?” Face like a beetroot. Eye’s like Sauron. And an attitude more entitled that Donald Trump sitting in Trump Tower, eating a Trump steak, whilst listening to the trumpet. Angry customers are the reason we have sentences like “I’ll see if I can find a manager” in the English language. Use it wisely, and use it well.
7. The Small Print Aficionados
You may not know if you can use the 20% voucher that was in the paper in conjunction with a 2 for 1 offer, but you can bet your bottom dollar that this customer will. Be prepared to be met with the combined look of shock and disgust when you dare suggest that 10% Cornflakes offer only applies to 140g boxes of cereal, and not the 300g ones. When you hear the immortal words “This offer led me to believe…”, just close your eyes and take yourself to a happy place. Full of rainbows. And candy floss. And no seasonal offers.
8. The Shoplifter
You've seen the stuff for sale in this shop. You don’t even think it’s worth the price you’d pay for it with your staff discount, let alone risk going to prison for. But the ever cunning (or sometimes just plain stupid) shoplifter, will always add a bit of excitement to the average day. The one positive about the shoplifter is that they’re the only customer who will actively avoid you. All in the name of shoving 6 cans of tuna down their tracksuit bottoms. Always classy.
Video: Things That Make Retail Workers Want To Hide In The Back
Credit: BuzzFeedYellow
