Dear Serial Monogamists, Why It's Better To Be Single For A While

HEY MONOGAMISTS! YEAH!! YOU! YEAH! PLEASE JUST FUCK OFF. WHERE? I DON'T CARE. HOW WOULD I KNOW WHERE YOU SHOULD GO, I'M NOT AN ASS LIKE YOU. Honestly, I'm sick of people being in these constrained, boring-ass relationships. And all just because they think it's a sign of personal growth and maturity, or whatever. Do they really believe that they seem well-adjusted, or normal to everyone else in society because of it?! Like, pffft. It's not the 1950's anymore people...



...Monogamy Isn't Supposed To Be A Thing

We were never supposed to couple up, or form emotional ties with the people we just had sex with. It's actually not in our DNA. We come from animals, not Nicholas Sparks' books... We're made to 'Hit It And Quit It.' And spread our seeds. Or take in loads of different seeds. This whole idea of monogamy through 'Courtship' and 'Love' developed in (relatively) modern times, hand in hand with the acceleration of our development as a race. Some would argue for the worst...Yeah, thanks a lot monogamy...




I Mean Let's All Just Have Sex.

And afterwards know that we will never be intimate with the person we just had sex with ever again. We could stop calling it 'coming' and start calling it 'leaving', "OH! YES...YES I.. I THINK... YES!!! OH GOD YES! I'M LEAVING! I'M LEAVING!" Then zip up trousers and literally fuck the fuck off. SMH.




Being single is better, obviously. Must I spell it out?: You can attempt to have sex with that person you saw and liked. You can eat whatever you like, whenever you like. You don't need to explain any weird habits, or things you do in private to anyone.

Stop worrying 'bout being loved up, and simply love yourself. Because that's the real survival tool that's been used since the dawn of time, "No, I won't jump into those shark-infested waters, because I love myself too much." Be 'loving yourself'... Be 'feeling yourself'... So people, the next time you look at a prospective partner and think "Oooh, I wanna be monogamous with you...", instead think "I want you to pull out and 'leave' on my chest." Sure whoever said romance was dead, huh?!





Video: 10 Reasons Why I Love Being Single



Credit: Emily Hart

Stephen Brennan

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