“Why don't you have a boyfriend?” or “Why do you turn down guys who ask you out?” are common questions for us girls who made the decision not to date like it's a part-time job. Sometimes we can get a lot of grief and pressure from peers who are always trying to get us to date. A lot of the time we take to heart what people are telling us about our status, and it tends to make us feel very lonely. Honestly, most of us are very lonely most of the time. This article is for us girls out there who can relate to these types of moments, but also for those of you who have trouble understanding why some of us choose not to date.
When most of us go to see a romantic comedy or drama, we tend to envy the couple in that film. We wish we could be as #goal worthy as they are and be happy and sparkly and castles in the sky, floating on joy as they are. Often times we ignore those feelings. Many girls who date, date because they want to be half of said envy-inducing power couple, like when we watch films and swoon a little on the inside. Girls like us, though, well, we have high standards when it comes to the people we want to be with, and often we can't find that person until we're older and more mature. As my good friend and I always say, “never settle for anything less than a Gilbert Blythe or a Gus Pike”. If a person does not meet the standards of what we know we both want and deserve, well then we know we're better off without them.
Some of us don't date because we don't want to get hurt. We've all stood by, watched as our coupled-up friends get their hearts crushed, watched as numerous relationships end in heartbreak and regret. Many of us feel that we need to be more mature, not to mention extremely strong if we want a serious relationship. A serious relationship? Why not just date for the fun of it, for the companionship? I can answer that for you. Many of us think that if it's not going to go anywhere, then what's the point? In my case, if I want to have fun with someone, then a night out with my best friends fits me fine. Dating for fun can be dangerous emotionally. What would happen if this guy you were with wanted more from you than you were willing to give, and then dumped you the next day? It can be heartbreaking and make us feel like that's all we're wanted for. If we're going to date, then it needs to be a full-on commitment.
Another reason is that most of us know that we're too naive to know what we really want from life and having a boyfriend before we even have ourselves figured out can be emotionally damaging. If I can't even choose which outfit I want to wear tomorrow without making a pro-con list, then I shouldn't be choosing who I'm going to be in a relationship with.
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Here's something for those of you who have friends like us need to understand: We don't feel ready to date. If you weren't ready to do something, would you let others make you do it, even though you know you’ll regret it? Probably not. So please, put yourselves in our shoes. If you do that, please try to be more understanding when we tell you that we aren't ready for dating yet.
Here's something for us girls: Never let anyone pressure you into dating, even if it's your best friend. If you believe you're making the right decision, then that's enough to justify it. Life is not about pleasing everyone because that's impossible. Life runs better when you do things your way, with your judgement and morals, and with your own time clock.
