Girls! How... how dare you!
You think...you think you can keep these delicious, exotic and enticing drinks away from us forever?!
Well we want them muh'fuckas! We want those cocktails! Mmmm. And we like being drunk and dancing also... So there.
*wiggles bum and spins straw round in glass*
Bitches need to recognise me when I'm drunk.
*goes home. suffers hangover. comes into work. starts writing piece on cocktails.*
I like to drink cocktails. I am not ashamed of this.
The first cocktail I ever drank was in a tumbler (basically a 'dude glass'...I don't know why) and they called it a "Mosmo.'
As in, a male cosmopolitan. So even from the beginning I presumed that cocktails were cool, manly drinks.
But apparently it's weird for me to drink them. As in 'People do a double take and look at me and laugh curiously' kind of weird. Well you're weird, not me!
It's alcohol. I can drink it if I want, and if I want an umbrella...sista...you better believe it ain't fo'drizzle.
And if it's pink, it's probably as delicious as I think unicorn tears could be.
And if it's a Long Island Ice Tea, I'm taking in 5 types of spirit. It's like, here's all of the things that make you forget life...drink them in one go.
It's sexism. It's antiquated. I don't like the taste of beer. Does anybody? I like the occasion around having a beer and what it means to feel I've deserved a bottle. Oh, and being drunk in general. But it ain't touching cocktails in the flavour department.
I have a friend who feels the same as me re; BEEEEEER and he drinks white wine and cider at all times. That is, when he isnt enjoying a COCKTAIL OR TWO! Yeah, he, like me cannot get enough of that sweet, sugary nectar. He likes a Moscow mule and you know what? He's proud of it. Now- white wine... I dunno is that even more controversial than something tropical that certified mixologist would hand to you for an astronomical fee?
I have a girlfriend who has divided feelings on men defiantly swilling cocktails. In her opinion- cocktails are fine if it's a manly, whiskey based, served-in-a-crystal tumbler, Don Draper of a cocktail. I call bullshit on this! No way Jose. I'm not having it, if I want a Pornstar or a Sex on the Beach- what of it?!
She told me this story about going on a date with a guy who was dressed very effeminately and had more products in his hair than her. I said that THIS was the problem, not the fact he was sipping on a rose infused gin concoction for the evening. Bottom line- don't sweat it because if she likes you she'll like you for you, cocktails and all.
So men of the world, Someone starts cribbing on a guy because they're drinking pink happiness in a fruity glass?Tell them to stop being mean and to develop their personality. And remember...
Video: Steve Austin Tries Fancy Cocktails For The First Time
Credit: BuzzFeed Celeb