1) The Sneaky One
When you have 4 hours between lectures, your options are either A) study in the library or B) have a sneaky drink at the student bar. Those are your options. When it comes to choices, you really only have one.
What Will Happen?: You'll probably forget about your next lecture, swear you'll make up for it next week, and then repeat the process all over again. That's college life for you. Cheers!
2) The Formal One With Parents
So, where are you heading tonight for your birthday? How's college going? Do you have a girlfriend up there yet? Just smile, nod and sip your drink constantly. Do not take this opportunity to tell drunken stories. Like the time you got so shit-faced, you threw up all over the curtains in your college apartment
What Will Happen?: You will either remain completely sober or find all the curtains in your house conspicuously removed.
3) The 'Fuck It, There's Nothing Else To Do.'
It's lashing rain outside, you have no assignments due for 3 weeks and the most strenuous thing you've done so far is pour milk on your cornflakes. Fuck it, drinking day.
What Will Happen: You're going to get so smashed that you'll fall asleep before it even gets dark. More than likely passed out on the couch, in front of the end credits of the Simpsons.
4) The Dare
I dare you to knock back three bottles of blue WKD in less than a minute. That's how it starts....
What Will Happen?: You'll end up full of regret, nauseous and on YouTube
5) The Match Of The Day
It's the Superbowl, the big fight, the match between your local team and your rival team. Whichever. All you know is that it's intense, you're screaming and suddenly ordering 5 shots of tequila at half time seems like a great idea.
What Will Happen?: If you win, you'll be singing the National Anthem in the street with 4 other men you don't even know. If you lose, you'll have the drinking equivalent of an anti-climax, and just feel as unfulfilled.
It's 37 degrees, you're lying on the beach and a girl wearing a grass skirt keeps shoving drinks with umbrellas in them into your hand. This might not be the case if you're on holiday in the Himalayas, but the spirits are the same.
What Will Happen?: You will black out for roughly 5 days and only really come to when you're getting back on the plane, wishing you were dead.
7) The Arrive Early, Start Early
Mates you haven't seen in weeks are coming over for pre-drinks before heading out. They'll be here around 8 o' clo- DING DONG! Oh well, they're here now. What are you going to do, not have a drink?!
What Will Happen?: The epic night you had planned will come to a shuddering halt at around half eleven. You can feel your back teeth floating in beer. and your mate is getting sick in a public fountain. Hide in a chinese takeaway to recover/potentially sleep.
8) The Celebration
All assignments for the semester have been handed up, time to celebrate! Start with a sneaky beer, follow it up with a healthy snack (7 sausage rolls), chase it down with a whiskey and coke and just cut loose.
What Will Happen?: Constant, slow-building buzz which eventually explodes into the best night of the year. Activities include dancing on traffic islands, limbo contests with unsuspecting bar staff and making out with a girl you think is Jennifer Lawrence.
9) The Hour-To-Kill
The gig/movie doesn't start for a good hour or so. Now would be the perfect time to wander into an old man pub with your mates. Once there, you can have an in-depth conversation about every single film that Bill Murray has been in and ranking them in accordance to preference.
What Will Happen?: You befriend an 86-year-old man named Leroy who has a lot of funny stories, but gets uncomfortably racist when he's had a few.
10) The Never-Had-Before
Your roommate has just returned from a trip to Poland and has a bottle of something called Spirytus Lubelski. It's 96% alcohol. Naturally, you have to try some. Even if it might actually kill you and you have a lecture in ten minutes.
What Will Happen?: Impromptu Toga party, followed by a trip to a nightclub that you're convinced you've been to before, but actually doesn't exist. Wake up in an aquarium. In Austria.
11) The Hair Of The Dog
A night of celebrations has left you with a taste of sour milk and cigarettes in your mouth the following morning. Thoughts of bacon or eggs make you sick to your stomach. The only cure is another slug of Jagermeister.
What Will Happen?: You will realise that the Hair Of The Dog cure is absolute bullshit. You will also become very well acquainted with your toilet bowl.
12) The BBQ
Summer-time = BBQ time. You fill 'er up with lighting fluid, have the steaks nearby and press the ignition. Nothing happens. You press it again, and again. Still nothing. Something's wrong. Then you smack yourself in the forehead for being so stupid. Unscrew a bottle of beer, take a quick swig and press the ignition again. Now it lights because that's how you do BBQs right.
What Will Happen?: You'll eat a lot of meat, laugh when someone offers you some 'salad' and then have another beer.
13) The Rollover
The random night out still isn't over, despite it being 11:30 AM the following morning. You're all just sitting around in someone's apartment, watching Columbo and knocking back drinks. Considerably slower than when you first started, but still truckin'.
What Will Happen?: Your biological clock will get very messed up and you'll be forced to take a job as a night security guard.
14) The Date
You ask a girl id she'd like to go and get a coffee. She turns out to be a lot wilder than you'd expect, and you end up in a bar, challenging each other to drink a suicidal amount of shots and cocktails.
What Will Happen? Every penny you own will have disappeared in a drunken haze, but you'll wake up next to aforementioned crazy girl. Your pelvis will ache a lot and your flatmate will high-five you roughly 17 times.
Santa brings you a bottle with three X's on the front. Your day consists entirely of pigging out on selection boxes and washing them down with gratuitous amounts of Christmas spirits.
What Will Happen?: You'll end up singing Christmas songs on a bean bag while watching Home Alone 2. You mumble "God bless us, everyone" and then proceed to pass out.
16) Rag Week
You've saved up for the past month for the absolute bender you're about to go on. You walk into college at 9:30 AM, walk up to a table where they're setting up beer pong and an Iron Stomach contest. The next 5 days are a complete blur, but you're vaguely aware of an incident involving a pirate and 26 packets of chocolate chip cookies.
What Will Happen?: You will be consistently drunk for the entire week, accumulate a lot of bruises from mystery locations and have about 29 new friends on Facebook, none of whom you recognise.
17) Special Offer In The Student Bar
3-for-1 rum and cokes? What other choice do you have?
What Will Happen? You will take advantage of this offer, but drink a sensible amount. You will then return to the library and continue studying for your summer exams, which are 5 months away.......LOL, JK, you'll get hammered. Obviously.