Because everyone knows being drunk doesn't get any better than when it's with your best friend...
1) The classic playlist goes on shuffle.
Crazy In Love, Don'tcha, Maneater, One Two Step, Milkshake, Complicated, Bring It All Back, Leave (Get Out), So Sick, These Words, Four Minutes, Where Is The Love?, Beautiful Soul, Unwritten, A Thousand Miles, Lady Marmalade, Pon De Replay... You feelin' me?
2) The heels stay in the wardrobe.
Let's be real here. Chances are you're not even gonna make it past the front door at the rate you're downing that €4 wine. Time to give those freshly painted toes some open air. And some sticky shit to stand in too.
3) You get as lovey-dovey, touchy-feely as a couple.
Alcohol has gotten rid of all barriers between the two of you and you can finally tell them just how much you bloody love them. If things get really mushy and deep, you may even share that one drunken, lesbian kiss that you'll both take to the grave with you. *Swear on your life*
4) You'll take it in turns going through your life stories all over again.
This is your best friend of years and you both already know everything there is to know about each other. Nevertheless, when Unwritten comes on the playlist, you'll automatically want to rehash your tales of broken dreams and long-forgotten lovers so you can both gently sigh as you imagine feeling the rain on your face. Then Pon De Replay comes on next and you're back on the sofas with your saucepan and wooden spoon in hand.
5) They'll give you useless advice that you'd laugh at if you were sober.
But the fact of the matter is that sober is precisely what you are not. So for you, every word that spills from their wine-stained lips is precious gold that you want to savour and relish. In fact, you search through all the presses in the kitchen because you should really be writing this shit down. Hold that thought....
6) You'll reminisce on the first time the two of you met.
And you'll be completely dumbstruck when you discuss the pattern of events that led to you guys crossing paths. All of the "What if?" questions will come flooding back and the conversation will end with the two of you sharing some sort of embrace and saying a short prayer to thank God for your friendship.
7) One of you will do the other's make-up.
"Nah, one hour is not long enough to spend doing makeup this evening; I must do yours also." And if someone's offering to do that work for you, you're not gonna say no. Plus, licking their hand while they try to do your eyeliner flick is really fucking funny.
8) Then you'll tell each other how hot you both look.
Damn girl, your ass looks curvy as fuck tonight in that dress. Work it, stunnah!
9) And proceed to take seventy-five of the same selfies in the mirror with good lighting.
When you're that drunk, you forget to change up the angle and pose every few pictures so you end up with a camera roll full of the exact same picture. But you wouldn't dare delete any of them for fear of realising your eyes look slightly brighter in the forty-second picture. Good save there.
10) You'll imagine where the two of you will be in thirty years.
And when the question of whether you'll still be best friends comes up, things get super emotional. You both decide to vow that if you're not married by the age of forty, you'll get married and adopt a black baby together.
11) You'll realise the time and decide to stay at home for the night.
Between twerking to Milkshake and talking surrogacy options, 8pm has turned into 11:30pm and you haven't even finished the playlist yet so you can't possibly leave the house. That doesn't mean you can't crack open that third bottle of wine though....
12) The Facebook creeping will commence.
Every guy you've ever so much as kissed or looked twice at will be searched and judged based on his three most recent profile pictures. Exes will be named and shamed, and you'll both comment on how bad each other's taste has been over the years. But there'll always be that one ex that both of you agree is drop-dead fucking gorgeous and would risk the friendship to get with once more.
13) You'll laugh hysterically over absolutely nothing.
Seriously. A pen will fall off a table and you'll fall on the floor and belly-laugh until your make-up is ruined from the streaming tears.
14) You'll go to the bathroom together even though you're in your own house.
It's just a fun thing to do, y'know?
15) You'll encourage each other to drink even more.
Straight shots of vodka at 2am? Of course that's a good idea. Vodka is always a good idea.
16) All of a sudden one of you will suggest ordering pizza.
Praise the Lord, you found the leaflet for the one takeaway that stays open until 3am. Now it's time to change into a slouchy t-shirt and tiny shorts, and wait for the unknown number to appear on your phone screen. It's a ticking time bomb really.
17) When the food arrives, there will be silence for fifteen minutes.
And by the time the final Angelus bell rings, the pizzas will be devoured, the chips inhaled and the Diet Coke (cause you both have Slimming World on Monday) downed.
18) And then you'll nap together on the sofa while sharing a blanket.
Until 7am when one of you wakes up, realises the ringing sound in your ears isn't going away and it's actually the sound of your head slowly splitting open. Time to retreat to your own bed until about 4pm when all that can cure both of your hangovers is some Chinese food and Ben & Jerry's, in that exact order.
