Halloween, the festive time when your friendship group becomes a rabble of morons dressed in bins bags, children think it's acceptable to steal your food and tonnes of perfectly good pumpkin are wasted every year. I'm so glad it's finally here...
1) I’ll go out, because everyone else is, but I’m not dressing up and I’m not going to enjoy it
2) Apart from if I don’t dress up then I’ll look like the idiot. How is this fair?
3) If any children come to my door asking for sweets I’m going to kick them in the face
4) Seriously, why the fuck should I spend my money on food for small children in shit costumes?
5) Maybe I’ll buy a massive multipack of Haribo and eat it all myself, in front of them
6) This is a stupid thing to celebrate, it’s not the 13th Century
Halloween is just so commercial these days, it starts sooner every year...
7) Oh, you’ve dressed up as a witch? Cool. Mind if I burn you at the stake?
8) Sorry, I have been socially inscribed to act like this when I see a zombie
9) Ghosts don’t exist and I wish you didn’t right now
10) What is the point of covering my well organised and nicely decorated house with horrible tacky fake cobwebs I’ll have to clean up tomorrow?
11) I don’t want to be inside, everyone will be knocking on my door all night
12) I don’t want to be outside, the world is full of pseudo-zombie freak shows
13) Cutting pumpkins into stupid faces is a massive waste of food
14) Skeletons aren’t even scary. Not having one would be scary
15) Halloween club nights really are terrible
You can't even drink with that mask on, you moron.
16) No one likes any of these 'scary' songs normally, why are they going mad for them now?
17) Why is everyone doing fun wrong?
18) Fuck off me with your fake blood you weird bastard