So you've finally decided to break the seal, and not down a lane or on the back of bus, congratulations on having some class! Maybe you've just been putting off peeing because you've been bopping away to RiRi or out having the bants in the smoking area, either way you already know what you're in for... these are the 21 toilets thoughts every drunk girl has.
21) This Queue Is So LONG
This is when you start regretting not peeing down a lane before you got into the place. Why does the seal ever have to be broken?
20) OMG I'M MISSING MY SONG FOR THIS
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Levels is my song and haven't played it ages. Standing there listening to what could have been the bop of a lifetime play away is the pinicale of soul destroying for any girlo.
19) What Time Is It?
There's something about being drunk in a toilet that offers you a reality check. This usually leads to spending the next ten minutes rooting in your bag.
18) WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PHONE!?!
It's either in there and you're too drunk to find it, or you gave it your friend so you wouldn't lose it. Until you realise this you'll be sweating profusely, let's just hope you're not wearing tan and a white dress.
17) Thank The F*cking Lord
You've found the whereabouts of your phone, congratulations.
Yay! A cubicle has opened to welcome you into a world of possibilities.
15) Please Can I Pee First?
Let's be honest, us girls are perfectly capable of going to the bathroom by ourselves, but going with your mate/mates makes the experience much more meaningful. It's just makes a perfect time to bond, strangely.
14) AWWWWWWWWW SOOOOO GOOD!
The relief is almost orgasmic.
13) I Might Go For A Small Nap
The warmth of toilet seat somehow reminds you of being all snuggled up in bed with the wall acting as a pillow, so ... very... comfy...
12) NO, NO, WAKE THE FUCK UP
Slap yourself, do anything! There's no bigger regret than falling asleep in toilet and have the manager of the place come in to personally wake you up and escort you off the premises.
11) Should I Shave? Nah, Fuck Shaving
As you look down to wipe you can't help but contemplate the status of your pubic hair. Is it too long? Should I shave all of it off? Maybe shave a heart or my initials into it? Nah, fuck that.
10) Will I Text Him? Nobody Would Know
I am alone. My best mate isn't here to nag at me about how much of dick the man in my life is being, and I am kind of horny. Hmmm... Very, very tempting.
9) I'm Sleepy, Maybe I'll Just Hop Into A Sneaky Taxi
This is when you've gotten in touch with your energy levels and begin planning your escape. If the lads see you at the cloakroom they'll surely stop you from completing your self-righteous mission. You'll check you're purse to see how much cash you before being promptly reminded where you are.
8) I'M NEARLY FINISHED HOLD YOUR HORSES
Jesus! These girls are like vultures! Can't a girl just piss in piece, I've only been here like 3 minutes... yeah right.
7) She Just Needs To Have More Confidence In Herself
Or something along the same drunken lines with your fellow bathroom buddy. This conversation only happens in the mystical realm that is the nightclub cubicle. Anything could be spoken about, from some horrid dress you saw that absolute bitch wearing to international politics.
I don't know human evolution has come to the point where it's acceptable to take toilet selfies with absolute strangers, but my drunk self loves it! Waking up and looking through your photos in the morning will be both a hilarious and shameful feeling.
5) So Like Where Do You Come From?
Conversation sparks as soon as you make eyes with the toilet lady. As she offers you a paper towel you're already telling each other you life stories and exchanging heart felt compliments.
4) TOILET ATTENDANT SELFIE!
It's next step naturally.
3) She Was SO Lovely, I Hope Her Kids Are Proud Of Her
What a legend! And so brave to start over in a new country, I hope her kids appreciate what she's doing. She deserves the best.
2) Fuck My Eyeliner
Shhhhhit. How long have I looked like a panda for? Thank god for wet tissue.
1) MOAR BRONZER
Hm. My face is about seven shades lighter than the rest of my body, better spend the next 5 minutes adding layers upon layers of bronzer to even everything out.