If I were to stop someone in the street, and demand of them, "What's the most frivolous way you can conceive of frittering away $3,000?". Assuming that whoever I stopped did not suppose my line of inquiry to be a sort of bizarrely ill-judged come-on and pepper-spray me, they may provide me with a broad range of responses. Some might suggest that you exchange it all for small denomination coins and spend a fortnight throwing them one by one into a wishing well. Others might say that you could, using the banknotes, create a papier-mache effigy of Marty Whelan.
However, all of these suggestions - and, indeed, any other suggestion - would be woefully wide of the mark. The one true answer to the question of how best you could piss away $3,000 is by buying a pair of these customised, Jesus-themed runners.
Let me just answer a few quick questions that I'm sure you will have right off the bat.
Q: Are the soles filled with water from the River Jordan that has been blessed by a priest?
A: Yes, yes they are.
Q: Are they manufactured using '100% frankincense wool'?
A: Well... yes, that question again, constitutes an impressively good guess as to the make-up of these shoes.
Q: Do they have a reference to a biblical verse inscribed on each shoe?
A: Look, I'm beginning to suspect that you've done your own independent research into this. Why don't you just stop answering these incredibly leading questions and come clean.
Q: Do they have a sort of weird crucifix medallion, featuring a golden effigy of Jesus H. Christ mid-crucifixion?
A: You're just making a fool of me now. I am leaving.
The shoes, which are a customised version of classic Nike Air Max, were created by a Brooklyn-based company called MSCHF. They have stated that the shoes were created to mock 'collab culture'. They referenced as a point of inspiration a collaboration that saw Adidas make a sneaker which featured branding for an iced-tea company.
Speaking to The New York Post, Daniel Greenberg, the company's head of commerce said that, "We wanted to make a statement about how absurd collab culture has gotten. We were wondering what would a collab with Jesus Christ look like? As a Jew myself, the only thing I knew was that he walked on water."
So. Jesus shoes are a thing that exists. They have water from the river Jordan in the sole. I have no words. pic.twitter.com/rkSHxBDnBS
— Mistress of Sp??kposzting™️ (@shitposzting) October 9, 2019
They initially created some 24 pairs of the shoes, and they instantly sold out when they were released for sale, raising the company some $72,000. They have announced that they will be issuing another limited edition run of the trainers on the second and fourth Tuesday of each month on their website.
Currently, it seems that there are some in stock on Stock X - a website that specialises in auction shoe-sales. So, if you have around $3,000 to splash out on a pair of satirical shoes - a hitherto under-utilised format in the expression of satire - why not hook yourself up with some Jesus Shoes.