If you're a twenty-something, chances are your fridge looks a bit like this: a depressing flickering box haunted by an unopened jar of relish, a half-eaten pint of ice cream and a take-out box of lo-mein that's been off for weeks. The only thing you really have in abundance is the sweet nectar of alcohol. Wine, whiskey, a can of grape Four Loko; your shambles of a collection only proves that you have your priorities straight and yet, sometimes life calls for an ~adult~ take on alcohol consumption. Whether you want to impress your friends or serve someone a drink that doesn't taste like liquid death, broke-down empty-fridge cocktails are your best bet.
1. The Risky Sour
A quirky take on the traditional whiskey sour, the Risky Sour demands bravery, tenacity and that last bit of maple syrup that's been sitting in your fridge for years.
Ingredients: egg, maple syrup, lemon, whiskey.
Break the egg and remove the yolk, leaving only the white. Cut the lemon in half and juice, combine with two shots of whiskey, the egg-white and a table-spoon of syrup. Serve over ice and enjoy!
2. The Bloody Scary
I'm not going to lie, this drink might burn all of your internal organs and is not for the faint of heart. However, it's perfect for the person who has a weird conglomeration of condiments in their fridge, namely, pickles and Tabasco sauce.
Ingredients: Pickle juice, Tabasco, olives, vodka.
Mix 2/3 pickle juice with 1/3 vodka, add the Tabasco to taste and mix in slices of green olives. Shake and pour over ice. Garnish with blades of grass from your local garden for an eclectic touch.
3. The Kitchen Sink
When my friends and I first started drinking, our technique for scoring alcohol consisted of skimming various white liquors from our parents' liquor cabinets and combining them in the same water bottle. This mixture was the beast of all alcohols (as in a single whiff was enough to singe your nose hairs). Still, we managed to down shots of this truly foul concoction, chase it up with water and survive. This suburban house drink became fondly known as the "kitchen sink" due to its slightly murky colour and resemblance to a pan of tepid washing water left in a plugged sink. Now you try.
Ingredients: Any and all white liquors you own, a lime, club soda or ginger-ale.
Combine your liquor cabinet and pour out two shots of liquid hell. Add the juice of 1 lime and the can of soda. Mix well and make the sign of the cross before drinking.
4. We All Scream
That half-pint of ice cream sitting in the back of your ice box that's been collecting freezer burn (and God knows what else) is integral to a proper 'Scream.
Ingredients: Whatever ice cream you have left, any dark liquor you own, sweet or salty snacks.
Purée (aka beat the hell out of) two scoops of ice cream and mix in two shots of dark liquor (I suggest whiskey). Crush in sweet or salty snacks like pretzels or Oreos. Mix thoroughly and serve in a chilled mug.
5. The Monday Morning
This drink is ideal for coffee-lovers or anyone who wants a jolt of caffeine when a Jägerbomb isn't available.
Ingredients: Yesterday's coffee, dark beer, whiskey, sugar, milk.
Mix 1/3 coffee with 1/3 beer and 1/3 milk. Add a shot of whiskey and three tablespoons of sugar. Pop the mix into the microwave for 45 seconds and stir until a slight foam rises on the top. Sounds horrible, tastes delicious.
6. Buttery Nipple
If you've never had a buttery nipple before, you don't deserve nipples.
Ingredients: Vodka, butter, sugar, anything vanilla-flavoured you have.
Since the buttery nipple is traditionally made with butterscotch schnapps and no one besides Augustus Gloop keeps that in the house, you basically have to craft your own butterscotch. Melt half a stick of butter and mix in four tablespoons of sugar. Add a few drops of vanilla extract, or if you don't have any, a tablespoon of vanilla ice cream or melted caramel sweets. Stir in two shots of vodka and chill before serving.
7. Two Broke Swirls
Ingredients: lime, egg, sugar, rum.
Break the egg and remove the yolk, leaving only the white. Pour two shots of rum into a tall glass, add two tablespoons of sugar and let sit for ten minutes. Add the juice of one lime and stir. Serve chilled and with two lime wedges.
Video: Men Taste-Test "Girly Drinks"