1) Whenever you go clubbing it always strikes you as very loud.
How on earth is the bartender meant to hear your drink order?
2) You find it very difficult to stay out past 1am.
“I’m just going to the toilet.” And then straight home to my bed.
3) And quite often you don’t go out at all.
You might have a good time if you go out, but you ~know~ you’ll have a good time if you stay in.
4) You’ve used up every excuse for why you can’t go out.
“Food poisoning for the third time this month — I know, very unlucky.”
5) You find it nearly impossible to stay out late on Friday and Saturday night.
6) If you have to go out, you’d rather go to a quiet pub than a club where you have to dance.
Sitting down > standing up.
7) If you’re gonna drink, you want it to be actually nice alcohol, and you want to have it with snacks.
Booze tastes better with food, and food tastes better with booze. They are perfect for each other.
8) Certain kinds of nights out appeal to you, though.
And it’s all over by 10pm!
9) You’re not sure you ~get~ Facebook entirely. You’re never quite sure who can see what.
And you definitely don’t get Twitter.
10) You always regret updating apps.
Change = bad.
11) Most months you spend more money on subscriptions than vodka.
12) You get quite excited about baking.
And you’re more keen to eat the baked goods than to Instagram them.
13) You watch a lot of TV shows about cooking or moving house.
14) Your idea of a wild night is starting a film past 9pm.
Or drinking caffeine past 6pm!
15) Your favourite thing to spend money on is definitely food.
Forget being drunk or fashionable, it’s all about being full.
16) Or maybe kitchen gadgets.
And you’re certainly not averse to a clever cleaning product.
17. Tinder kind of terrifies you.
18. In fact, everything about dating seems like the opposite of a good time.
Meeting strangers, to see if you want to have sex with them, without actually talking about it. Too much awkward.
19. People who don’t dress appropriately for the weather distress you.
“It may look warm, but it’s actually just bright with a chilly breeze!”
20. You are a big fan of a practical shoe.
No pain = gain.