Life

The 7 Types Of Hangovers You'll Have After College

Finishing college is a giant milestone is everybody's life, but it seems that the moment you leave campus your life begins to rapidly accelerate. The older you get the worse your hangovers are. It's true! Remember how easy your hangovers were in your teens? Well, that's totally gone out the window now. Welcome to your 20s!

Here are the 7 types of hangovers you will have after college.

7) Shameless.

You straight up don't give a shit what you look like or who sees you. Shameless is a drastic understatement. You just woke up in a dumpster, clothes torn, one sock missing, puke straddled across your forearms and you head straight to the nearest McDonald's for a deathbed breakfast.

6) Still Drunk.

This isn't quite a hangover, rather a bomb which is waiting to explode. You quickly realise that you drank far too much spirits last night and on your first steps out of the bed, your jelly legs stumble and your knees buckle as you collapse to the floor. Still drunk. There's something very off-putting about being drunk in the morning light. Get the water.

Advertisement

5) Shower And Run.

There's nothing worse than waking up hungover to shit in the morning and realising that you have to be somewhere. There's no time to do anything as you're already running late. Hop in the shower to try and reduce that pungent smell of alcohol in your pores and run out the door.

4) Sunglasses.

Upon your morning glide to the bathroom to rid your bowels of the leftover juices from the night before, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror somewhere between pissing all over the toilet seat and brushing your teeth. Your eyes look like two shriveled up prunes after a week in the Sahara Desert. Dehydration at its finest. Grab the sunglasses and do your best to hide your hideously hungover face.

Advertisement

3) Never Drinking Again.

Don't lie. You've said it at least once before. This is the world's most broken promise. Waking up feeling like you've been clocked over the head with a sledgehammer you make a vow to yourself that you will "give it up ... never again." Your promise lasts until next weekend when your friends ask you to go out and you've forgotten just how bad a hangover can get. Here we go again. This vicious cycle just keeps repeating itself. You never learn.

2) The 2 Day Hangover.

Usually occurs on a Monday. You took care of yourself on Sunday and thought that was the end. But you were so very wrong. It seems flat out unbearable. Stuff your face with some grade A hangover food and pray that the worst is over.

1) The Fear.

No recollection of last night's antics, you desperately try to jog your memory by looking through your phone, checking Facebook and texting your friends. Nothing helps you fill in the gaps and you sit there wallowing in a pit of fear and anxiety. And that's putting it lightly.

Damien Slater
Article written by
Damien is a handsome 20-something recent graduate, with a developing tint of megalomania and unwarranted sense of entitlement. He is a fond lover of happy hour and is a self-proclaimed "expert" in pickup-artistry. With an aptitude for writing and solving algebraic equations, he is currently enjoying life, bouncing from one hot blonde to the next, and hopes to soon achieve the 100th notch on his bedpost.

You may also like