Ah behold the glorious crimson wave. WARNING. DANGER, DANGER. May anyone that crosses your path beware that the wave is about to come crashing down. Your emotions are running high and if anyone decides to comment on the fact that ice cream isn't suitable for breakfast, then they can f**k right off. Here are some signs that you're getting your period. Sorry about your period in advance.
1) You Break Out In Crater-Like Spots
These aren't any normal spots. No, these are craters on your face, popping up like Voldemort has cast a spot curse on you. They're everywhere! On your chin, between your eyebrows, on your chest and you might even be one of the lucky ones and get a really sore one on your lip. Ouch!
2) You Literally Cannot Stop Eating
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You might be thinking "sure I'm always hungry anyway." This is completely different. This hunger is the type that you see on 'The Island with Bear Grylls'. You can polish off a tub of Ben and Jerry's, devour a big bag of Doritos (obviously with dip) and then a large bar of Dairy Milk. All whilst looking at takeaway menus thinking about what you're going to order in 20 minutes.
3) You Have Exactly Zero Control Over Your Emotions
A 'save the dogs' ad comes on and that's it, you're off. One look at those puppy eyes and you ring your Mam insisting that you have to save all of the dogs in the shelter. You might also find yourself crying and laughing for no reason….at the same time. Feeling crazy yet?
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4) You Think You've Put On About 3 Stone
You feel like your body has swelled up. Your stomach has completely bloated out and no amount of sucking in is going to save you from looking like you're in the early stages of pregnancy. You fit into none of your nice clothes and cry looking at yourself in the mirror in the only bottoms that will fit you. *Googles juice diets and goes back to eating more Ben and Jerry's*
5) Your Boobs Swell Up
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You look in the mirror and think 'Holy Mary I look like I've had a boob job.' They look great and you're loving the fact that you can wear low cut tops and not look like a flat chested boy anymore. Then your boyfriend decides to touch them and all of the pain unfolds. Enters crazy bitch mode.
6) You're On An Emotional Roller Coaster
You hate everyone and everything around you. That person that pisses you off in college is going to know all about it today if they even look in your direction. They ask you if you have a pen and you shoot them with daggers, say no and turn your back to them (rude cow). You then feel really bad and cry while apologising and buy them a packet of pens on your break.
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7) You Can't Stand Your Boyfriend
Even looking at him can make you nauseous. He buys you a new onesie, your favourite chocolates and DVDs (because he knows your period's coming, he just can't say it to you - obviously) and you wonder what he's done to make him do this. He gets really offended and you have a fight and then next of all you burst into tears and love him more than life itself. I'M SORRRRYYYYY!! WEEEEHH!!
8) You Think You Need Anger Management
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You're one comment away from punching someone straight in the face. Your best friend wants to talk to you about how she's breaking up with her boyfriend (who she hates) for the 10th time and you know that she's going to get back with him in a few days, and that's it, you snap. You roar (like your Mam) down the phone at her and tell her to stop acting like a 16 year old and break up with the loser for once and for all and to stop bringing her shitty problems to you. Then you hang up and immediately think ohhhh shit!
9) You Think That You're Pregnant
Right that's it, I'm pregnant. There's no way that I'm this emotional and hungry for nothing. It's all clear now. There's a baby in there, that's why I'm eating so much, sure I'm feeding two. That's why my stomach's so big! All of the crying and nausea makes sense now. Then you wake up during the night to go to the bathroom and there your period is. It all makes sense now.
