A twitter thread began over the last few days where mostly American people shared different things that their moms always say and it was pretty hilarious. This had me thinking about what our parents always say, and what Irish Mammies never fail to deliver. The endless list of threats, digs and guilt trips that are engraved into our minds, always giving us some kind of PTSD, along with just some of the cringe-worthy things that they come out with. Here's a list of the top things that gives us major anxiety.
In case you didn’t catch on, this one is supposed to be ‘Netflix’. This is one of the most frequent ones that popped up during the thread. With Netflix being such a big part of all of our lives, we might forget sometimes that our moms may not know what it is. ‘Neckflix’ is a pretty close guess, but hearing it come from someone is definitely hilarious. How can they be so clueless??
2. Adding ‘The’ Before everything
This is one that’s pretty universal. The one that springs to mind most for me would be when your mam refers to “The Facebook”. “Did you see what Mary posted on the Facebook?”, "I wished him a happy birthday on the Facebook", "I shared it on the Facebook".
This innocent and hilarious addition makes you really squirm, but it’s so nice to see your parents attempt to be tech-savy internet users.
3. "That's My ___"
"That's my seat", "That's my cup", "I want to watch my show". No matter what you're doing, your mam always has the power to claim an item back. Every mammy has her favourite seat, cup, show, glass, that may seem ridiculous but she'll argue her case against you ending it with "This is my house, my rules". There's no getting out of it.
4. "Those Are For The Visitors."
Every Mammy has their hidden stash of nice sweets, that's usually bought in bulk around Christmas and kept in the cupboard for months. They always use the visitors' excuse, but we all know they're not going to be brought out unless the queen visits, so they'll still be there and stale by next Christmas. Didn't stop us from getting caught trying to steal them.
5. "There Are Kids In Africa Who Are Starving."
This is a guilt-trip if I ever heard one. Mostly used when we were younger, if it's mentioned now we'll awkwardly laugh out of guilt. Being forced to finish all your food was a staple part of growing up in Ireland and there was no getting out of it. Mams would tell you about how they would never dare leave food left over, and how they use to "lick their plates clean" and how ungrateful we are to have food in front of us. The guilt is engraved in our minds.
6. "Don't Make Me Count To 3".
This was always a smart move. Nothing makes your heart race as much as a countdown does, and not knowing what happens after 3 was never intriguing enough to attempt to find out. By the time 3 is said, you were already up in bed, teeth brushed, face washed, tucked in, with one eye open.
7. "What Did Your Last Maid Die Of?".
If you haven't heard of this then I will explain. Basically, they're referring to you treating them like a slave seeing as the do so much for you already, and you dare to ask for more?? Asking for any favour prompted this answer every time. If you were cheeky enough to ask them to do something for you, you would only get a cheeky answerback and end up doing it yourself out of guilt anyway.
8. "Were You Born In A Barn?"
A snap we're all too familiar with. Leaving a door open would only cause this or "You're letting the heat out!". It's almost as bad as leaving the immersion on, and you don't want to be the one responsible. The preservation of warmth in Ireland might as well be written into the constitution.
9. "If Sean Jumped Off A Cliff, Would You Too?"
Yes, we very well may do!
Just kidding, we wouldn't dare but we wish we were ballsy enough to say that. Basically, this one is the answer you'd get to "But all my friends are going!!". If your mam said no, that was it. Trying to work around it only caused more cliché Mammy answers.