We, poor innocent souls, watch movies growing up and try to get a grasp on what life is going to be like, trying to get a grasp on when and where to look for our happy ending. Well, then we walk into the real world and realize college isn't just parties, romance isn't like a Nicolas Sparks novel, and you actually never sing and dance in school or in the streets. Like that's weird. Here are just a couple of things movies have totally betrayed us about:
1. Skipping School
According to Ferris, skipping school includes riding in a Ferrari and singing in a parade. Oh, and not getting in trouble of course because you orchestrate a dummy being you and getting you off the hook. This is false. You will lie in bed doing nothing, and then get screamed at.
No, The Breakfast Club, you cannot smoke weed at detention. Nor will you fall in love with a badass with long hair and deep brown beautiful eyes.
3. How Long Lipstick Actually Lasts
Women will scale walls and shit like Anne Hathaway in Dark Knight Rises and their lipstick looks like it was just freshly applied. Then, you stupidly go on a date thinking that's how lipstick works, and it all comes off on your spaghetti and you're left wearing nothing but marinara.
4. Prostitutes' Lives
So prostitutes actually have shittier lives than Julia Roberts. Shocker, right? Unlike in Pretty Woman, no rich men will be nice and fall in love with you and let you show up bitch ass store owners.
5. Our Relationships
He will not write you a letter every day of the year. He will not wait for you for years and yell at you in the rain about how much he loves you. And teenage girls everywhere will not sob at the beauty of your romance. Yes, I'm looking at you, Notebook.
Sex with no actual strings attached? Simultaneous orgasms? A guy who goes down without asking and looks like he knows what he's fucking doing (#JT), nah, Friends With Benefits, you lieeee.
So real parties include cheap beer and maybe vodka that tastes like nail polish remover. They do not include champagne. They do not include mansions. They do not include fireworks. And alas, they do not include Leo.
8. Being Hungover The Next Morning
You may have a splitting headache, you may vomit, and you may feel like you've been lost in a desert without water for 40 days. However, you will probably not wake up with a tiger, a baby, or having misplaced a groom.
9. Living In NYC
So actually, brace yourselves, if you live in New York City and lack quality employment and mostly just fuck around with your friends, you won't live in a loft in a prime location. Waaaaaat
In movies, your friend is basically your side kick who shows up every single day, ready to do whatever you have planned. They do not have jobs or lives of their own. Or other friends. Or families.
11. Proper Airport Etiquette
Airport security will stop you if you try to sprint past the gates and security to say goodbye to your loved ones. They do not feel love.
12. What Human Beings Actually Fucking Look Like On A Day To Day Basis
When you wake up you will not be flawless. Even after you put on makeup and shave your legs, you will have pores and acne and grease and flyway's and you will spill shit on your clothes. Movies, stop fucking lying.
Video: 10 Lies Movies Tell You About Culture