The 12 Types Of People You Meet In McDonald's At 5am

McDonald's in the early hours of the morning is a strange place. You will get all sorts of people in there, and it's usually the busiest time of the day for the fast food restaurant. Predictably, most of the people have quite a lot of alcohol in their system, but there is also a few people in there who might have just finished a night shift, or might be about to start an early morning shift. So here are just some of the different people you might encounter as you queue up for and then eat the nicest Big Mac of your entire life.


The Security Guard

A staple of any fast food restaurant after a night out, he's there to make sure none of the drunk people hurt themselves or anyone around them. Much like the men and women with the aftershaves and perfumes in the night club bathroom, drunk people insist on becoming their best friend, even though, predictably, this person has no interest in talking to any of them, and wants to finish their shift with as little trouble as possible.


The Loud Group Of Guys


Usually made up of about 5 or 6 guys who feel compelled to draw the attention of everyone in the restaurant, including the aforementioned security guard. They can usually be seen at the counter messing up each others orders, at the tables shouting at and slagging everyone else, or outside wrestling one another after the security guard has had enough and kicked them out.


The Food Fighters

The food fighters usually end up being the same group of lads that will eventually get kicked out by the security guard, using their chips as missiles against rival groups, with some unfortunate people getting caught in the cross fire as they make their way to the toilet.




The Messy Eater

It's unclear whether this person is always a messy eater, or whether the alcohol is to blame, but either way they can usually be seen sitting at a table covered from head to toe in lettuce, ketchup and crumbs. And it's a similar story for the table in front of them, the floor at their feet, and sometimes even the wall beside them.



The Feasters

These type of people will sometimes actually save their money, often not buying the last drink in the night club, just to buy an absolute mountain of food once they get there. They don't usually eat a lot at any other time of the day, but McDonald's at 5am is a special place where special things can happen. And one of these things just happens to be your friends ability to consume more chicken mcnuggets than would appear to be humanly possible.


The Guy/Girl Who Just Finished His Shift

Very easy to spot, this person is usually dressed in all black as they've probably just finished a shift as a cleaner or barman/woman in one of the night clubs that all of the drunk have just come from. But regardless of if they work in one of the bars, or restaurants, or wherever, they are always trying to make themselves look as small as possible, and usually get their food into them as quickly as possible before they're hit by one of the chip missiles or god knows what else.



The Staff

Everyone is allowed to complain about any job that they have as long as they don't overdo it. This is no more true than for McDonald's employees that have the late night/early morning shift. Trying to understand drunk people's orders, getting the right amount of money off them to pay for the meal, and cleaning up after them. It's probably a little like working at a crèche. Although at a crèche you don't have to tell any of the kids what time the breakfast menu starts at for the 435th time that night.



The Sleepers

Another type of person that the security guard isn't a massive fan of, they can be seen sitting upright with a chip hanging out of their mouth and and a half eaten burger in their hand.


The Emotional Wrecks

They sit there weeping into their happy meal with their friend consoling them after they were rejected by the 'love of their life', or, even worse, they lost their phone. The happy meal is bought to try and cheer them up, but to no avail. Although happy meal toys are a very common souvenir from a night out, and are more fun when you're drunk then they ever were as a child.



The Loners

Not only does this person not know where their friends are, they also have no means of contacting them because their phone is out of battery. It is also not uncommon for them not to have any money. They just seemed to have lost all hope, and are just resigned to sitting in McDonald's. You might try and be a nice person and try and help them, but there's really no point. They're better off alone.



The People Too Drunk To Function

The only reason they're in the place is to sit down somewhere without the risk of getting rained on, or mugged or something. Because there's absolutely no way they're able to get any food into them. Even though their friends might insist on buying them something and try to sober them up before they get into the taxi to reduce the risk of them getting sick.


The People Who Are Too Sober For This Shit

Usually left with the task of looking after the person who is too drunk to function, they sit there with a grumpy look on their face, as the only reason they're there is because no one would get a taxi with them when they wanted to go home. If they had had their way, they would've been in bed an hour ago.

David Sweeney
Article written by
David has the most relevant qualifications of all of the writers at CollegeTimes, having just completed 3 years of an Electrical Engineering degree in UCD.

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