Being hungover is shit. Shitter than shit. It hurts everywhere, you’re in physical, not to mention mental pain following flashbacks of last night’s adventures and worst of all, you’re hallucinating about getting some food into your belly to try and soak up all that booze, but getting out of bed and making that life or death trip to College is the hardest thing you'll probably ever have to do!
I'm Way Too Drunk For This
What started off as sheer determination and the will of a warrior to get here has not transformed into the "This was a terrible idea." ideology. The sense of impending doom is almost overwhelming. Yet those loveable drunk voices in your head tell you that you'll be fine, sure it might even be some fun.
I Must Not Let The Alcohol Win
Functioning like a normal human being seems impossible with blurry vision and zero motor skills. The fight exists within you, you did not crawl out of bed and drag yourself here for no reason.
Don't Sit Close To Anyone, They'll Smell The Shame Off Me
You can't help but despise everyone surrounding you. Why are they so loud? And In the way? All you want is to find a nice corner where you can reside, undisturbed, where you can keep your shame to yourself.
The Smell Of Drink Off Me
You slowly start to realise that you smell like microwaved shit. You turn your own stomach and begin getting paranoid about those around you. They will smell you and all the undignified shit you did last night out.
It's So Hot In Here
This is what you imagine what the temperature in the Sahara is like. This heatwave is simply too much and you begin ripping layers upon layers of your clothes off. Until you're the only one in class wearing a tank top in the middle of winter. Who the fuck gives a shit, you are genuinely sweating.
Ok, Ok, Focus
Time might just fly by if you pay attention. This lecture might distract you from the constant waves of nausea, beer farts and fights away the light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't Make Eye Contact With The Lecturer
The last thing you need is to be made an example of. You already are full of shame and regret, so you don't need some authority figure tutting at you for your shenanigans. Just look like your constantly taking down notes, it'll be fine!
Ok, Just Write The Date On The Page...
You do this all time, so you can do it now, right? I mean you're just going through self-inflicted torture and an emotional meltdown, no biggie. You can't help but feel you might be having an outer body experience with everyone else being so unhungover and clean, so writing the date means you can be like everyone else too... right?
That Projector Is WAAAAAAY Too Bright
The world hates you. You hate you. Why did you come here? You deserved to be blinded...
Uggggggh Why Am I Here?
You're hear because you woke up still drunk and not noticing it until you were half dressed and thought "Sure fuck it.".
And You're Fighting A Constant Battle With Dehydration The Entire Time
You cherish the drop of water left in your water bottle from yesterday. Sipping only when you're moments from death. Survival is vital. Your bed would be so lonely without you.
Fuck. Can't Sleep. People Will Know I'm Fucked
I'll Give Paying Attention A Go
No, just no, this is not working.
God I'd Murder Some Food!
Some people think of their loved ones, happy memories, winning the lottery in bad times. You however, are dreaming of leaving the deli with a crunchy baguette, containing succulent breaded chicken and the toppings of gods.
Thank God People Are Asking Questions, That'll Deter Attention From Me
Maybe there is a God?
There was Abba, that blonde girl I was talking to for a while... where did she go? OH GOD NO!
Enter The Fear
Many, many regrets happening all at once. It's so overwhelming that the temptation to just excuse yourself from the human race, retire to a dark room where you can't curse the world and live off frozen food is looking better by the second. You can't think of your undignified actions any longer so you do what you need to, to distract yourself...
*Stare At Other People*
Is his jumper red or brown? Why can't I grow a beard like that? Maybe I should consider wearing skinny jeans?... Staring at other people distracts your brain from your crumbling pain and suffering. You can focus on people and their appearance, which is much easier than paying attention to whatever the fuck is going on in the lecture.
*Catch Eyes With The Lecturer, Telepathically Beg For Mercy*
Whether they've asked you a question, made an example of you or simply left you alone, you'll just be happy that the moment has passed, chances are they won't bother you again.
Can I Leave Now?
It's at this point you start question the concept of time, and how it will, not, fucking pass. This is getting ridiculous universe, you've been sitting in hell for too long now. It's time the heavens forgive for your sins and you can just go to bed with some sort of greasy shitty food.
Ugh! I Can Taste The Jagerbombs
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER DOING THEM! WHY DOES DRUNK ME DOES THIS!
How Much Money Did I Spend?
Just. Don't even go there. You can't handle this right now. Think about this later.
Repress All Sense Of Anxiety, Fear & Worry. Give Internal Reassurance & Pep Talk
Keep telling yourself that you're not a bad person. You're not. You're young, stupid and highly impressionable. You have to make mistakes to grow as a person, that's all this is. A learning experience. A terrible, terrible learning experience.
Waste Time Until Lecture Ends
Facebook, Twitter, staring into space and other sorts of idle activities. Your time in hell has nearly ended and you're feeling slightly upbeat about the whole thing therefore feel no obligation to do any work or anything until the lecture ends.
"That concludes today's lecture..."
GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!