As much as going out can be enjoyable, there's nothing like a relaxing night in. That said though, there are ways to cause as much or nearly as much damage as a drink fuelled night. Let's pray to god that none of these happen to any of us staying in....
1) Texting An Ex
Don't do it! For the love of god, DO NOT DO IT! Stick your head down a toilet, eat an onion, anything better than that!
2) Staying In Your Onesie Until Sunday Night
It's just about acceptable to put your onesie on, on a Friday after work or college and not take it off until Saturday evening, but staying in it until Sunday night and not even having a shower is disgusting. Who am I to judge though? Enjoy being a slob and basking in your complete and utter filth. Scumbag.
3) Going For A Creep But Putting Their Name As A Status
Someone is definitely going to see and send it to them. Kill me now please?
4) Getting Drunk Alone
This will probably occur whilst in your onesie. It's probably day 2 of staying in and you can't bring yourself to get dressed and go out, so you source whatever drink you have at home, and before you know it, you're locked. This might fuel the thought to text your ex, again, DO-NOT-DO-IT! Go eat that onion instead. Much, much better idea!
5) Spending Your Weekend On Dating Apps
Ah sure I'm doing nothing else, I may as well have a look at what's on offer in the online dating world. Personally, I hate online dating. Did it, hated it. You could be one of the majority of people that love it, but do you really want to spend your time getting chatted up by what's potentially a 60-year-old man posing as a 27-year-old male model? Even worse, when you agree to meet up with them and realise what you've gotten yourself into. PASS!
6) Eating Takeaway And Sweets For The Whole Weekend
Who ate all the pies? Yeah, you did. It seems like a great idea at the time, but when you stand on the scales come Monday morning and see the three kilos that you put on, it could turn you into an emotional train wreck gone wrong. Who needs to make Monday worse anyway?
7) Flirting With The Delivery Man
It's bad enough that this is the second night in a row that he's brought you your fast food fix. Sorry to break it to you, Harold the delivery man is not going to think that you trying to flirt in the same onesie he saw you in the night before is attractive. Let the man leave!
8) Inviting That Gorgeous Neighbour In For 'Tea'
The pour soul comes over and doesn't realise what they've gotten themselves in for. No, they don't want to have sex, and they'll never want to talk to you again after you accidentally 'drop the biscuits' and bend over in your onesie. Take the onesie off you scummy fuck.
9) Online Shopping
You might love it all and buy it all, but will you love all of it when you realise how broke you are come Monday when you try and buy anything?
10) Creeping On Your Ex And Getting Upset
Ok, just a quick creep on their Facebook. "There's that bitch that he said he didn't like writing on his wall. Is that a photo of him with his ex?! Oh my god, he's back friends with her!" You'll probably cry and then just realise what a prick he is and wonder what you ever saw in him anyway. LOSER.
11) Trying On A Dress That Used To Fit And Feeling Huge
After looking through photos of yourself and seeing that dress that you haven't worn in ages, you decide to look for it and try it on. Bad idea my friend. Now you feel huge and want to blame everything on Harold the delivery man. Screw you Harold!
12) Weighing Yourself
"God I haven't weighed myself in a while, maybe I should see how much I've lost." *Stands on scales and thinks that they're broken*. 5 kilos up, really though? REALLY?
13) Cutting Your Own Fringe
You're looking in the mirror and your bored and notice there's a few parts of your fringe that need a trim. You think to yourself 'sure I can do that'. No, no you can't. 10 minutes later and not even clipping the tiny bit that you have left of a fringe can cover up your failed attempt at being hairs next biggest thing.
14) Popping Spots
There's a massive one on your chin so you decide to pop it. When you wake up the next morning it looks worse than before, times ten and with bells on. Nothing can cover up the scar you've just given yourself.. Well done, idiot. Get the bio-oil out fast, I reckon.
15) Looking Through Your Bebo
Seeing how you used to 'rite lyk dis' and thinking that your masso side fringe was whopper looking. Get off the page as fast as you can and never return, ever....
16) Watching The Notebook And Realising You'll Die Alone
Noah and Allie…. Clara and her onesie. I'm dying alone.
17) Making A Mess Of Your Fake Tan
You decide to get the darkest tan that you can find because you want to look gorgeous and dark on Monday. After applying it on Saturday night, you wake up to see that you now look like a dalmatian with a skin disorder. Fuck it anyway.
18) Cleaning And Finding Shit Belonging To Your Ex
You're doing nothing else so you decide to clean your room. You come across a box at the back of your wardrobe and open it only to see 100 photos of you and your ex looking really happy and content. Then you see the cute notes that they used to write for you and just go straight to bed and listen to soppy shit and cry. Oops.
19) Getting Tipsy At Home With Your Friends And Telling Them Something Way Too Personal
"Did I ever tell you how much I used to fancy my cousin?" Ehhhhhhhhhhh.