Even though we may not put them into practice, we all know the beauty and make-up rules that we should be following. Except that they're just a fucking effort really, aren't they? No one wants to scrub their face, let alone use a makeup wipe after a night out, so we end up generally ignoring these rules. My Mum constantly tells me to look after my skin now or I'll regret it when I'm older. The only thing is, I'm too busy being fabulous to actually take the time out to follow these rules. So sorry Mama, but I'm probably going to continue doing these things.....
1) Not taking your make-up off.
Sure, the odd time we might get a surge of enthusiasm and motivation to cleanse, tone AND moisturise, but most of the time we stumble in drunk and fall asleep straight away. There's no time for cleansing and toning when you're having too much fun!
2) Putting more make-up over yesterday's make-up.
And because we haven't taken our make-up off from the night before, we end up just painting another layer on our face because we've slept in and can't miss another lecture.
3) Lasting a week off an empty bottle of foundation.
Make-up companies try to fool you into thinking that the bottle is empty so you'll fork out another twenty euro for a bottle, but if you're really clever, you can cut the lid off and scoop some more out. Boom!
4) Using the same brush for everything.
I don't see the need for a whole collection of brushes; I have one for my face, one for my eyes aaaand that's about it. And I've had those very same brushes for about five years, and I look hashtag flawless on a night out, or at least that's what I like to tell myself.
5) Never washing your make-up brushes.
I don't even know how you'd go about doing that, and could you even be arsed?
6) Using perfume as deodorant.
I mean.... it's basically the same thing.... isn't it? Smelling fresh sista!
7) Going through more dry shampoo than normal shampoo.
It's quicker and easier and from where I'm sitting, I can see no fault with that logic.
8) Never scrubbing old fake tan off.
I permanently have a dark patch on my ankle because the fucker never, ever leaves.
9) Using tan as foundation.
Just gonna even my skin tone out here with some dark, chocolate tainted tan....
10) Picking your nail varnish off.
Who wants that disgusting shit all over your fingers anyway? Not I.
11) Plucking your eyebrows just a little bit too much.
It can be hard to tell when you're using the front camera on your phone as a mirror, after all.
12) Putting make-up on during pre-drinks.
This is never bound to end well, but you seem to think that after three shots you're going to be a master at winged eyeliner. Ha, dream on sista from another mista.
13) Sharing eyeliner.
Germs? Infections? Hasn't happened to me yet so you'll excuse me if I keep on doing my scummy thing.
14) Not cleaning your sheets (or the shower) after overdoing the tan.
Yes I am a pig and I live in my own filth. Deal with it hoebag, at least I'm glowing.