Some girls like hair down there, some girls like a little less. As someone who belongs to the latter category, and with bikini season just around the corner, I think it's time to tell you girls what to expect if you've decided to get yourself a professional Brazilian wax.
1. "This is going to hurt like a motherfucker."
What is a Brazilian? It's like a bikini wax, except it's everything off. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING, front and back. Unless you're a fan of the landing strip, there aren't going to be any hairs left to spare. So naturally you might feel a little nervous when you're first entering the salon.
2. "It's like a pink doctor's office in here..."
When you first enter the waxing room, you'll notice that the bed where you're expected to lie looks exactly like the bed you lie on when you go for a doctor's appointment. The only difference? It will be covered in pink. If the bed isn't pink, the walls will be pink. If the walls aren't pink, the floor will be pink. It's like salons think that by adding pink, girls will automatically be less intimidated. As if they're getting waxed in their bedroom as opposed to getting waxed somewhere strange, foreign and unfamiliar.
3. "Free pants?!"
Not free pants. Just some pants which will cover what's left of your modesty while the waxing professional rips all the little hairs out of your 'intimate area'.
4. "Hot, hot, hot, hot, HOT!"
Ah yes, that would be the wax.
5. "That wasn't so bad."
Sometimes the pain that is expected is greater than the pain that actually occurs. It also helps to wiggle your toes as a distraction. Or at least that's what my waxing professional told me.
6. "Okay, no, felt that one!"
Sometimes the pain that occurs is greater than the pain that was expected. Just a warning: the most painful parts are the inside parts. You know where I'm talking about.
7. "Is it weird I'm talking to this lady while she stares at my vagina?"
The waxing professional will be a nice lady who will ask you nice questions about what you study and where you're going on holiday this year. It's the same sort of small talk you make with your hairdresser except this lady is a different kind of hairdresser than the one you're used to..
8. "What do you mean, 'get on all fours'?"
As mentioned already, a Brazilian wax means that they take everything off, front and BACK. It feels a little like you're a cast member in Orange is the New Black and you've just been asked to "squat and cough".
9. "I'm as bare as the day I was born."
You'll feel practically pre-pubescent when the process is over.
10. "My vagina is a princess. A beautiful, bald princess."
Well done, ladies. Your landing strip is looking #onfleek.