Fungie Named As Longest-Living Solitary Dolphin By Guinness World Records

I do not know whether Fungie, the dolphin who plies his aquatic mammalian trade off the coast of Kerry, has a trophy cabinet. Frankly I consider it outside of my means to determine whether he does or not, possessing neither the requisite scuba-near, nor the journalistic integrity to research this spurious assumption. However, if he does, he has a new accolade with which to decorate its shelves, a Guinness World Record.

I am also unsure as to whether dolphins possess the requisite cognitive capacity to truly appreciate the import of being awarded an honour founded by an internationally renowned brand of stout. However, I'm sure that, on some level, Fungie is absolutely chuffed to be officially certified, by the Guinness World Record people, as the longest-living solitary dolphin in the world.

Fungie was first sighted in 1983 and has been exhibiting his sweet, sleek body along the coasts of Dingle ever since.

I feel it is important to appreciate the profound undertone of tragedy that is implicit in this award. Fungie is notable because he exists in isolation. His age is only verifiable - in the absence of some sort of individual dolphin-tracking system - because he is the only dolphin who has decided to shack up in the waters around Dingle. It is the fact that he has been ostracised from the dolphin community - perhaps for some heinous crime in the dolphin world (something abhorrent involving a blowhole perhaps?) - that allows him to be notable, to be identifiable.

This is of course discounting the possibility that the dolphin we've come to know as 'Fungie' is in fact a construct of the Dingle Tourism Board and has been systematically replaced over the years several times whenever the previous iteration of Fungie perishes. However, this is but yet more errant speculation, which has no place in an article ostensibly to celebrate the twin feat of longevity and prolonged isolation achieved by this dolphin.

Though all of this is not to say that Fungie was without competition. No. You think he is the only aged, lonely dolphin extant? If you do, you are only deluding yourself. Another dolphin, named Jojo who glides about the waters of Turks & Caicos islands in the Caribbean, was first sighted in 1984, and thus, narrowly falls short of Fungie's record.

In the unlikely event that Fungie possesses the requisite technology to encounter, and read this article, we would like to say, congratulations Fungie, congratulations.