It's almost 8:00 in the evening so it's about time you started to contemplate getting ready to go out. You've tried to figure out what to wear from the comfort of your sitting room but it's not working. You've already abandoned the thoughts of having a shower and you don't need all your body to be tanned. The procrastination gets you so far and eventually you have to get up and get ready.
Walking Around in Circles
You're in a world of your own and you haven't a clue where to start. The obvious choice is then to take clothes out of the closet and throw them all over the floor. You're not even looking at what you're throwing.
I'll Just Start Doing My Hair and Makeup
Like the naive person you are, you took your hair out of the prison that was the half arsed bun you threw it into earlier and started to brush your hair. Not enough frizz ease could save you from this poofiness. Curl it? Takes too long. Straighten it? You'll look like a 12 year old who got her first blow out. Back Comb? I would leave the brush alone... Only thing to do is do try and put it back into some sort sophisticated messy bun. Or rock the bed head look...
In my loveless life, I can no longer remember the last time I shaved my legs. Do I really have to shave them? I could just wear pants, except the only ones I own are either the jeans with the whole in the arse pocket or my sweat pants. Would anyone really notice if I didn't shave. This could be the night I get lucky. I guarantee if I shave my legs I'll be coming home with a kebab but the one time I don't shave, Ryan Gosling will whisk me away. Maybe just to the knee? My life is pathetic...
Stop going on streaky! Please, just for once come out like you're supposed too. The only thing it's doing is accentuating is the places I missed shaving! This is all too much.
Right. You do this everyday, nothing can go wrong... Thick eyeliner is in at the moment. No, no don't sneeze! Why must the Gods forsake me! Right you're nearly done. Why is my face extra bright? Who the fuck used my bronzer brush as a blusher brush!
Back to Clothes
I have nothing. Where is the dress I was trying on yesterday when I thought going out wasn't a terrible idea? Nothing fits! Stop putting on old Halloween costumes. Haha my bra looks like Minnie Mouse's ears! OK it's nearly ten, just wear the same black dress you always wear. Stop playing dress up.
Who gives a fuck at this stage.
Where's My Bag?
I can't find my ID, I'm done. No, not going out.
Alcohol Will Make Everything Better
I forgot to put my mixer in the fridge. Lovely, warm orange juice! I need to get drunk and forget about stubbly legs and bingo wings.