Life

Parallel Parking Problems: The Woes Of Learning To Drive

There are two types of people in the world when it comes to driving; those of us who want to tear up the roads as soon as we turn the legal age, and those of us who put it off on the long finger for as long as humanly possible and next thing you know your driving instructor is coming to collect you at the Retirement Home while the nurses are spoon feeding you mashed potatoes. Here are some of the woes of learning to drive...

 

1) The Public Humiliation

Unfortunately if you leave it as late as this, or even into your 20's to start driving, not only do you face the task of driving, but the public humiliation of passing a group of boy racers in their souped up cars that look more like Cheap & Tacky than Fast & Furious, while you're driving a car that has more L's on it than the Lollapalooza music festival.

 

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2) Oh So Many Jokes

 

Apart from the humiliating factor, you also have to deal with the taunting jokes from neighbours and family friends like "Oh God, now that you're on the roads we all better keep off them" and "they'll have to build a new motorway just for you."

3) The Parental Challenge

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On top of this you have your parents to deal with. Driving with your parents in the car at first is an indescribable experience. Think you're going at the average speed? WRONG! Any speed higher than 20km and your mother thinks you're about to enter formula one. The fact that every time you sit in a car to drive, your mother is there hanging onto the holy water and rosary beads for dear life, doesn't help either.

 

4) The Dreaded Driving Instructor

 

At least you always have your driving instructor to give you some words of wisdom as well, my personal favourite being "Now that you have a license to drive, you also have a license to kill." Very cheerful and uplifting, apparently I'm James Bond now as well as a Learner Driver. Then there's correct procedures that your driving instructor expects you to complete while staring at you constantly. Check your mirrors, indicate, check your blindspot, sacrifice the blood of a goat while making a left turn, recite every single Spice Girls song before approaching a roundabout, just simple things like that.

5) The Actual Test

At the end of it all, you're now faced with your driving test. Do you tell people you're going to do the test? But then what if you fail and everybody will know that you failed? Then you'll have all the people who passed their test first time round giving you that judging look of superiority.

Adrian Dooley

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