There's some situations in college where you just can't have your cake and eat it too ...
A Nice College House & A Good Location
Let's face it, somethings gotta give when it comes to college accomodation. You either pay the big bucks to be near college (and more than likely live in your own flith in an absolute shithole) or agree to the half an hour walk to live someplace which doesn't smell and allows you left over money for food. Choose wisely.
Good Grades & A Good Social Life
The only way you're gonna do well in college (note I say do well, not just pass which most of us constitute as doing well these days) is staying in studying while everyone else is out getting hammered so that you avoid the inevitable hangover and actually make it to your lectures. Now of course it's possible to go out once in a while and still achieve a 1:1 but more than likely it's not gonna happen if you're drowning your brain cells in alcohol multiple times a week. Sorry pal.
A Nice Dinner & Money Left To Go Out
Feck it you're just after realising you only have a tenner left. Sure you couldn't possibly stay in on a Thursday night. 20c noodles from Aldi it is again so.
An Immersion & No Arguments
Kelly thinks the immersion takes 3 hours to heat up. Mark think it takes 10 minutes. Someone keeps leaving it on and Leah keeps blaming Dave. And so World War 3 commences.
An Accent & No Teasing
Every time you say a new word your friends hadn't heard you say before the slagging and re-enacting ensues. "The what?? What did you say there? 'The 'baaaaaais'? Ohhhh you mean boys?"
Going Out Frequently & Never Experiencing The Fear
It's happened to us all. At one point or another you woke up with the fear of Christ in you. Zero memory of what happened the night before, the only thing worse than experiencing shame on a hangover is the fear of the unknown. Luckily for you your friends take the utmost pleasure in explaining every minute detail of your downfall, as well as brandishing pictures and perhaps even videos if they're truly sound.
Having A Part Time Job & No Murderous Tendencies
Every job available to you while a student are the jobs no one else in their right minds would take. Cleaning, waitressing, bartending, you name it, we'll do it if it means it'll fund our drinking habits and Aldi noodles. Just don't expect us to keep our sanity intact.
A TV In Your College House & No Addiction To How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory Or Friends
They're the old reliables. Literally on at every hour of the day. You can watch them with your breakfast, lunch AND dinner. At the beginning of the semester you hated Ted with a passion and now you're on the edge of your seat wondering is his latest squeeze FINALLY going to be the mother of his children. For f**k's sake Ted, stop being such a whore.
Accommodation On Campus & No Fine/Warning
You got too cocky when you got away with having pre-drinks in your apartment on multiple occassions so gradually the numbers began to increase, the volume of the music began to get louder and the drinks became more plentiful. Next thing you know you're being kicked out by some very peed off individuals, you have a written warning and you have to go litter picking. Ah shite.
A Student Budget & A Nice Drink
Similar to the noodles, Aldi provides the cheap alternative for alcohol when you're at the tight end of the month. It may taste like piss infused vinegar disguised as wine but it's alcohol at the end of the day.