This title is fairly explanatory. You know when you go out, have a few alcoholic beverages and end up in a situation you would never ever be in if you were sober? Well, I felt we should put them in an article for your entertainment. Simple as that, really.
Would you do it sober? Absolutely not. If you find yourself in this situation, you would want to be really drunk, right? That is why it is number one on our list.
Scoring More Than 1 person at a house party
Shifting someone at a house party is always heightened. It is public domain and essentially everyone can see what is going on. So, if you go off and shift one or two more it is never going to end in your favor.
Walking in heels
Men out there may not know this, but, us women can generally walk better in heels when drunk. I know, mind boggling concept but it is the truth. Heels make your legs look amazing, so, ever wondered why we don't wear the sky scrappers during the day? It is because they cause a lot of pain. But, when vodka hits are lips we can strut down Harcourt street like were at London Fashion Week.
I know your probably thinking you would definitely do this sober but you really wouldn't. The balls and momentum drink supplies for us sh*t singers makes us stand up and sing a Whitney Houston track like the woman herself. We think we have amazing talents and alcohol has let us showcase that.
Transferring money from your savings account into your normal account
This occurs at the bar. If money is in your savings it is not meant to be spent on a night out. But, your drunk so there is one situation you are going to put yourself in. You are gonna transfer a huge amount of that money over and, there you have it, money for a intensely booze driven evening.
It is hard to watch and if you could look back on it you would die. I hope no one would pull these moves sober but the Disco Stu within us is trying to come out. And, he eventually does, in the form of Miley Cyrus tongue wagging.
Doing the Conga line
Again, you will need to be heavily sedated to think this is a good idea. Even the motion itself, of one after the other bopping around like your at a wedding, is enough to collapse with laughter. Good fun when drunk. Mortifying when sober.
Wearing oversized glasses and clothing
When you find items on a night out that are definitely from the joke shop it is like gold dust. You take those oversized glasses and you put them on like you've never seen them before. Then, you refuse to take them off for the rest of the night.
The Irish jig
I am a danger to this one. Why on earth do I think it is funny to display a horrendous Irish jig on a night out? I will never know. We all have been accused of it on occasion and it is definitely for drunken eyes only.
Deep meaningful conversation's
You wouldn't get into half as many DMC's on a night out if you removed alcohol from the situation, girls especially. Talking about your emotions and feelings is not the way to fill an evening on the tiles and no one will disagree with that.
Being given out to by your parents
This is a tough situation, so, at least if they are giving out to you when you're drunk you will a) not remember or b) drown them out with your hilarious thoughts. You probably did do something awful like wake them up at 5am or get sick in the corridor. Let them give out to you when you are still tipsy that way you won't have to hear them go on too much when your head is about to fall off the next day.
Doing the splits
Here, I am not saying you are not a gymnast. I don't know all of you out there so some of you have full right. But, if you want to split your you know what in two then go for it. Remember one must be classically trained in this sort of thing.
Sleeping in odd places
I cannot talk in this regard, I once woke up in my hot press, but weird stuff can happen when you have had the one too many. You wouldn't sleep in half the places you wake up without a Jägerbomb infused coma.
Going to the toilet with someone you kinda know
Another girl one, I apologize, but the way girls go with each other into toilet cubicles should be noted. If you were sober shopping in the Ilac centre and some random girl you've met twice, but know from Facebook stalking, came up to you and asked if you could share a toilet it would be very strange and awkward.
I know some guys and girls out there do it when they're sober, but, for those who don't it is odd when it is the only pose we can do on nights out. Pouting, tensing, the peace sign, and so on, we wouldn't ever do them without being very drunk.
Doing Tequila Shots
I don't care what you say but nobody likes tequila shots. They make 70% of people vomit on the spot and it just isn't a good look. But when drunk some people think it is the greatest idea ever.
Awkward Tweet/ Over the top status
If you have the misfortune of figuring out how to open your Twitter and Facebook when drunk - step away from the phone. An eager and awkward tweet or in your face Facebook status is the last thing you need.
Writing bitchy Facebook mails
Writing an offensive mail to anyone when drunk is never going to end well. Especially if they have done nothing wrong or you are as sweet as pie to them when your sober. You wouldn't do it sober, so, don't do it now.
Sleazing on someone you don't fancy whatsoever
The beer goggles are on and you have got yourself into a situation with someone you never would have considered getting with. Maybe it will work out well for you or maybe it is your friend's ex. Either way tread with caution.
Buying endless rounds of drinks
You're no Hugh Hefner. You are no Bill Gates. So, why flaunt that Visa Debit card around like it is an American Express Black card. You aren't very generous when you are sober, so, just bring out cash the next time.
Making over the top arrangements
"If I'm 40 and your 40 and we are both still single...let's get married." Did this actually just happen.
Making concrete plans with people you hardly speak to
So many plans and you are never ever going to keep them. Just try and avoid these situations as much as possible.
Carrying home a souvenir
A potential traffic cone or danger sign will suffice. You come home room filled with new items from your journey home. Hell, there is even a 'FOR LET' sign leaning against the front door.
Telling your taxi man your life story
When sober many of us find it difficult and awkward to talk to taxi men. But, when drunk we are their best friend for life. I went through a phase at christmas of tipping my taxi men €15 after a night out, double the fair I might add. It was very upsetting when I realized how broke I was the next day.