You love your friends, you really do and there's no shame in admitting that. Although, with that said, you have to admit that they're also a clusterfuck of generally messed up people. But hey look, that’s just the lads isn't it. Here I have compiled a list of the worse possible traits that may be currently invading your social circle. You mad bro?
1) The Mad Lad
He is the self-proclaimed “Life of the party”, which isn’t entirely inaccurate. My GOD is this guy fun; he’s always up for the session and constantly has a drink in his hand. His wild antics are the stuff of legend and have earned him the role of the unofficial entertainer of your group. This lad is constantly up for a laugh and is quick to say something funny and generally insane. However, if you're being honest with yourself, the novelty kinda wears off when 50% of your nights out ends up with you cleaning vomit off his shirt as you carry his drunken ass home. Clean up and go home, I reckon.
2) The Romantic Lad
When this fella is single, you thank the party Gods for gifting you with such a great friend. He's reliable, sensible but not boring and is always quick to accompany you on an epic night of pulling and subsequent rejection. Nevertheless, when this fella is in a relationship, you find that you have to constantly make a conscious decision not to throw up from all the feelings he exerts. It’s all “I love her man; she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me”. You don't know what bugs you the most, their constant hand holding, mouth licking or general open affection towards each other. Sometimes, you think to yourself that maybe you’re being too hard on him, he’s young and in love… then you see him being a sap again and change your mind. I suppose all you can do is quietly mourn your friends lost testicles.
3) The Hard Lad
He always has your back, and you appreciate that. On a night out, if some of the bolder occupants of a nightclub think to start something, you know he’ll be there swinging his fists and slinging his words. You really appreciate that he's honestly one of the most loyal people you have ever come across and would never sell you short. This guy is crazy, but in the most spectacularly fun way possible. Yet despite this, sometimes your friendship feels like a dick measuring contest, where you have to prove who is the manliest man (which sucks because you didn’t even realise you were in competition). Most days you can’t mention anyone outside your social circle without being met with a reply something along the lines of “Pffft he’s soft, I’d kick his ass." Sure you would mate… *looks around nervously*
4) The Shy Lad
When he's with the lads, he's easily one of the most interesting people in history; his knowledge on music, sports, film and pop culture is generally unmatched. He's really sarcastic and witty, but always in a playful way. All these qualities and many more make him a king amongst men, but amongst women, he falls short. Not to say that he can’t speak to them because he can, but it's usually aimless small talk. Making the first move is a foreign concept in his world, and the idea of seeing a pretty girl and striking up a random conversation up is actually a herculean task for the poor guy. His wingman skills are mediocre to say the least and he finds himself to be too shy to utilise your expertise to his advantage.
5) The Sensible Lad
He is most likely the smartest person in your group; this guy has his head screwed on right. He stays out of trouble and urges the rest of you to do the same. To be frank, if he wasn’t around you'd all have been arrested by now (or again). He remains steadfast as the lone voice of reason among a storm of irresponsible idiots. You need him in your group, but his logic and reason can get a little annoying when it stops you from doing your reckless teenage shit. He just needs to loosen up a little bit, drinks?
6) The Mysterious Lad
This man is an enigma; you would easily consider him one of your best mates regardless of the fact that he isn’t quite tangible. You’re never entirely sure what keeps him so busy and you’ve come up with multiple theories over the years. Perhaps he’s too busy having sexy time with his girlfriend, or he’s studying or training for that sport he plays or maybe he’s a secret government agent. Whatever the real reason may be, you rarely ever see this guy, so much so that every few months you have to stop yourself and question whether or not he really exists or is just a figment of your imagination. Despite this, when he IS around, he proves himself to be a key member of your group. All you have to do is purchase an Ouija board if you need to get in touch with him.
7) The Female Lad
This one is quite simple, she's really hot/cool and you have to constantly make mental reminders to keep yourself from trying to kiss her because you know...friendships are important or whatever. It's so frustrating because she may literally be the coolest chick on the planet. Despite all this, the fact that it's forbidden kinda makes it sexier doesn't it? Fight those urges homie, I believe in you, stay strong brother!