Being on a diet is a testing time for most women, however some of us take it harder then most. If the Kardashian's can do it why can't I?!
1. Grocery Shop
I'm only going to buy healthy and organic food from now on. It looks like a cucumber, but it doesn't taste like one. What's a car-get?
2. Gym Gear
Well I can hardly go to the gym dressed in sweatpants. The gym is no longer just a place to work out, it's now a social scene and everyday's a cat walk!
3. How Should I Wear My Hair
I should not have gotten a fringe. It needs to be in a way that it won't look like a rat's tail after 10 minutes, or that it's sticking to my head.
4. Where Do I Start?
OK, you've made it this far, you have to now look like you know what you're doing. I guess I'll just swan over here... This looks easy. What the fuck is an elliptical machine? I guess I'll start with the treadmill. HOW DO I SLOW IT DOWN!
5. I Already Feel Skinny
After one day, I feel like I could have easily lost two stone. That ache in my legs, is the ache of hard work! Go me!
6. The Pain!
Oh my god, someone chop off my legs, anything would be better then this. Why am I being punished for being good?
7. Why Is She Here?
Why is she at the gym, she's already thin?
8. Why is No one Else Sweating as Much as Me?
I look like I've just had a really hot shower. I don't know if I'm going to cry, puke, faint or poop.Surely I'm not the only one.
9. You Did This to Me!
If I have a massive fight with my boyfriend when I get home I can use it as an excuse to get takeaway. I'm a terrible person...
10. Rice Cakes
Who invented you! You are the most terrible thing ever made. I bet this is what they fed people in concentration camps. I wouldn't feed this to my sworn enemy.
11. The Gym Clique
They prance around in their little sports bras for their midget bites they call boobs and barely even break a sweat. I wouldn't want to be friends with them anyway. Hussies.
12. There are No Substitutes for Crisps/ Chips
Fuck off with your sweet potatoes, they are not the same. Are carrot sticks, salty fried potatoes? Then no, no I do not want some carrot sticks.
13. Hot Boys at the Gym
Why, why do you have to be here? Surely there's a beautiful men's club meeting you should be attending. I don't want you to see me like this, remember me as I was. Grinding against your leg in Coppers last Thursday...
14. Am I Skinny Now
It's been a week, I'm almost positive I have a washboard stomach now. Crop top and disco pants it is!
15. Hitler Isn't Dead, He's Disguised as a Spin Class Teacher
Why does she hate me? I feel like she rehydrates on my tears.
16. I Hate My Already Fit Friend
The one who's trying trying to support you by keeping you motivated. The one who uses herself as an example of greatness and states that she feels rotten without a workout every day...
Clearly she hasn't heard of the feel good, chicken fillet roll, with extra mayonnaise. Use all your energy to avoid her instead of just meeting her for one hour, three times a week.
17. I Think I'll Just Do a Workout From Home
Who are you kidding?
19. Do I Really Want to be Skinny?
Ya know what, I think I can deal with a bit of chub. Thigh gaps look weird anyway.