Guys are simple creatures, who dislike change, so as a result, most nights take follow pretty much the same timeline, with little variation. Here's a list of the most common things that guy's do on a lad's night out.
Creep On Girls
Yes girls, we are just as creepy as you think we are. At pre-drinks, we creep on women on all forms of social media. And when we eventually get into the night club, this creeping now takes the form of nudging each other in the back, pointing at the girl we spotted from across the room. Whether or not the person then actually follows up on this is entirely dependent on how confident he is, which is usually directly proportional to how much beer he has consumed.
Discuss Beer & Alcohol In General
How many cans did you bring? Are there any drink deals on tonight? How can you drink that? All of these questions and many more flow as we make our way through the night. And, if you think you're fancy like I do, you drink craft beer, and discuss these craft beers with a couple of your other friends who also think they're fancy. Which, of course, none of you are.
Play Drinking Games
There's only so much talking you can do about alcohol however, and after that's been dealt with, it's time to get into some old old fashioned drinking, using some games to help along the way. Not that they need the help, and most of the time the game does more harm than good.
Take The Piss Out Of Each Other
The better friends the group of lads are, the more they take the piss out of each other. And this is one way in which guys differ in the way they treat girls, because all of us are way too afraid to make fun of them.
Give Out About People Who Aren't There
With the exception of a family emergency, there is no excuse for missing a lad's night out, so if a guy does miss a night out, he ends up receiving more abuse than anyone else. Whether it be because he has work in the morning, he's sick, or he's whipped by his girlfriend.
Try And Piece Together Previous Nights Out
In an ideal world, when trying to piece together the hazy memories of previous nights out, you should have as clear a mind as possible. But that doesn't stop us trying even with all of the alcohol we have consumed.
Ask About Each Other's Clothes
Despite trying to give off the impression of being big manly men who don't care about clothes or anything like that, we actually do discuss our clothes a lot, if not quite as much as girls.
Take Ages To Decide Where To Go
And the more people there are there, the more difficult this decision becomes.
Take Even Longer To Organise Taxis
I was recently at a family event where we had a barbecue before going into town, and my uncles took nearly an hour to organise taxis for about 12 people, including all of them and some of my cousins. So it's good to see that guys never get good at this, regardless of how old they are.
Annoy The Taxi Driver
This can take many forms, but when you load four drunk guys into a taxi with someone they don't know, it's inevitable that the sober person is going to get annoyed. Unless they're up for craic, in which case the taxi ride becomes one of the highlights of the night.
Once all of these decisions have been made and you make it into wherever you've decided to go, despite the fact that you all went in together, you all immediately get separated from each other and spend most of the night trying to find people.
It doesn't happen to everyone in the group, but there's usually at least one guy who misjudges the amount of alcohol he needs to have a good night. The only hope is that he doesn't get himself into trouble with the direction and location at which he projectile vomits.
Start A Fight With A Bouncer...
The single stupidest thing you can do in a night club. Again, there's usually only one or two people in the group who try this. And it's usually the same one or two people every night.
... Then Get Kicked Out Of The Night Club
Even more inevitable. The guy then commences ringing every one he was out with in the hope that one of them will have sympathy and come out to keep him company and wait for the night to finish, or just to share a taxi home with.
Find Everyone Again And Go For Food
I hope I'm not alone in saying that this has been the highlight of many a night out for me. Otherwise that's slightly embarrassing. Actually no it isn't, eating greasy food when your drunk is as satisfying as stopping the petrol pump on a whole number, multiplied by 14,000.
Spend No Time At All Getting Taxis
In stark contrast to the beginning of the night, every one is way too tired at this stage to care who they go home with, only that there's enough people going in the same direction so that the trip doesn't cost an absolute fortune.