Life

Things You're Likely To Hear When You're Already Having A Shit Day In College

You were up at 7 am and that was hard. Yeah, you missed your bus, you got caught in the rain. You had to sit in your first lecture half an hour late in your soaking wet clothes. You're trying to have a positive attitude towards the rest of the day, but it's looking like it's going to turn out shit. Here's how it's likely to go when you're already having a shit day in college:

1) "Now, your assignments are due tomorrow at 12pm in the School assignment box on the 1st floor"

 

Awwwwwwwww bollox. Yep, forgot all about that. Fun night ahead.

 

 

2) "There's no more chicken left, sorry"

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All you wanted was a chicken roll to ease your pain. Guaranteed to happen.

3) *Spots vending machine with Hunky Dory Buffalo. Tries to purchase said Buffalo.* *Buffalo gets stuck in machine.* *Resists urge to violently destroy vending machine* *Walks away in silence nursing bruised pride and a broken heart*

No more words needed.

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These next few points are text messages you'll get today...

 

4) "Not coming in today, just gonna get the notes off Loop" - Your only friend in your class

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You can f**k right off.

 

 

5) "Training 2nite @7 pm lads. Full attendance required"

 

You can f**k right off too. It's raining.

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6) MESSAGE FROM: Your Girlfriend

If it's anything like how today has gone this won't be good.

 

 

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7) *Looks at Message*

 

Aha, just as I suspected. I'm in trouble.

(Back to normal here)

 

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8) *Bird Shits on Your Head*

 

It happens? It's gonna happen on this shit day you're having. Because shit. It's not good luck, by the way. Just shit on your head.  Even if you are Cara Delevigne.

9) "There's free pizza in the SU!"

 

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Ahhh! Things are finally looking up. But wait! There's a twist to this tale. The pizza is all eaten when you arrive at the SU. They offer you a keyring or a condom or something but you'll politely refuse through gritted teeth, and walk away, lonely, pizzaless and hungry.

 

 

10) No WiFi/Mobile Data

Like death, it's inevitable on a bad day. Oh WiFi, you fairweather friend. Gone when you need it most.

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11) Missing Your Bus/Train/Both

You decide to cut your losses and head for home. You have training anyway but at least there's a bed and Internet there so you can cram your assignment in before it's too late. But you missed your bus this morning, so the universe is forced to evenly distribute time for the day, so you'll miss your bus home too.

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12) Your Dinner Will Be Cold

 

You had one positive to take from today and that was that your Ma had kindly kept a dinner to one side for you but you missed your bus home so now it's cold and the day is a complete waste and wouldn't it be just terrible if you walked upstairs to remember that...

 

 

13) There Are No Sheets On Your Bed

You planned on changing them tonight because you didn't think it'd be a big deal. But all you want to do now is lie down. And you can't.

 

Tomorrow is another day. We love ya, kid.

Tom Quinn
Article written by
"The best there ever was" 10/10- TIME Magazine; "Moved this critic to tears" 9.5/10 - Independent; "Will be sorely missed" - College Times; "The Mighty Quinn"- New York Times

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