When you go to vote for who will become the next president of Ireland on October 26, one of the name's on the ballot paper will be Seán Gallagher's. Seán Gallagher is perfectly aware of this, in fact it is a situation he has actively brought about. Seán Gallagher would like to become the next president of Ireland. Indeed, if things had gone his way, he would've become president in 2011, but extenuating circumstances prevented this from coming about.
All of that is to say that everything, everything, Seán Gallagher is doing and saying right now can be viewed as being in service of his desire to become Ireland's next president. It is all to try sway voters to flock to the church of Gallagher in lieu of contributing to the seeming inevitability of Michael D's re-election. Seán Gallagher, is trying to charm you. Everything Seán Gallagher is doing right now is an attempt to woo you.
All of which makes the existence of the below campaign video all the more baffling.
Each of the six candidates were required by RTÉ to record a one minute video outlining their reasons for becoming president. If you are to peruse the others, you will see that they all maintain some basic grasp on reality. But not Seán, Seán did not allow himself, or his speech, to be needlessly shackled by such petty considerations as meaning or basic contiguity of thought. It is unremittingly bizarre.
Seán Gallagher gives his presidential pitch in 60 seconds or less pic.twitter.com/ftD8mfhE64
— RTÉ News (@rtenews) October 7, 2018
It is as if his speech was written by an algorithm designed to create insipid, motivational Instagram posts that had somehow gone rogue that had been exclusively reared on quasi-nationalist, Celtic revival poetry.
It is an agglomeration of trite aphorisms from a Michael Flatley parody Twitter account.
It is what you would get if you were to intern a leprechaun in Abu Ghraib - the resasons for its incarceration are best left unstated. After hours of torture; after its weird, delicate leprechaun mind has finally been broken by the traumas it has been put through; as it lies there in the dark cell, bruised and drenched in the urine of its captors, with car batteries still clamped to its nipples, it would utter these glib, jingoistic non-sequiturs - its brain fried from what it has endured. And then, these phrases would apparently be noted, bundled together and put onto an auto-cue for Seán Gallagher to read.
While the rest of his campaign has exhibited a sensible mix of pragmatism and idealism, this video seems a ludicrous mis-step that has roundly been panned on social media.
Sean Gallagher: "We are Tayto, Club Orange. We are Italia90, Eurovision *check Daily Edge* We are chicken fillet rolls and bathtime after Glenroe"
— Oireachtas Retort (@Oireachtas_RX) October 8, 2018
Now, it's not only MDH who is a poet. Here's Sean Gallagher with his Junior Cert poem about Ireland. https://t.co/chG2OAlYtJ
— Philly McMahon (@McMahonPhilly) October 7, 2018
I've met and interviewed Sean Gallagher a few times. I've found him sincere and affable. I cannot fathom who thought this speech was worth sharing. https://t.co/hRP4xlvHZJ
— Dermot Keyes (@DermotKeyes) October 7, 2018