What Your Fake Tan Says About You

Light, dark, medium, waterproof. There are many kinds of fake tan available for those who prefer to not look like a ghost in the pictures from last night. Your fake tan does not just mask over your pasty skin, but it also defines your personality.

Sally Hansen

You're an incredibly busy independent woman who does not have time for a tan to develop. Your hectic lifestyle allows no time to exfoliate and moisturise. Pre-drinks starts in half an hour and you still have to do your hair and stick your eyelashes on. It's all go go go with you!

Cocoa Brown

A really important event is coming up. You take the time to do all the prep work, spending 30minutes scrubbing your skin red in the bath and make time to do your tan properly. You have somewhere to go and you're going to look good.



You're not shallow, but you certainly take care of yourself. You're probably on the paleo diet, go to the gym all the time and bondage dresses are all you wear on nights out. You are fun, but sensible.

Fake Bake

You're either a model or work in promotions. It's practically your job to be tan and look good. Your communication skills are phenomenal but you're not the best at maths.


Spray Tan

You're either rich or addicted to fake tan, or both! You can't remember what colour you originally were and the last time you didn't wear tan was before your communion. The thoughts of being pale causes your stomach to go into turbulence, you fear the rain greatly and stain remover is your best friend.


Preparation is everything. Everything you own is organised by colour or name, you're ideal date would be to the box factory and consider labelling foreplay.



You stole this from your mother.

Rimmel Sun Shimmer

You're broke and never really use tan. You use an unwashed old sock to apply tan, the last time you wore tan was at your 16th birthday in the local disco and you've never heard of Sally Hansen.



And by au-natural I mean sunbeds. You love the crisp feeling of a real tan. The thought of applying fake tan onto your skin is an insult to your "natural" tan. You're a very straightforward and honest person, with no time for bullshit. 

 No Tan

You stand out from the crowd, clearly. You embrace your true pasty beauty and feel that there should be no need to paint yourself in order to look good. But my God do you get stick for it.


Catherine Munnelly
Article written by
Catherine Munnelly is a colourfully-haired UCD graduate with a degree in reading books. A pint-sized bundle of wisdom, she has mastered the game of Flip-Cup, enjoys the company of bearded-men and despises rude people. When she's not writing or talking about her dog, you'll find her wandering around Europe telling folk that Leprechauns exist and Bono's her uncle.

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