Life 101

The Definitive Guide To Asking Someone Out In College

Nowadays there are so many different ways to ask someone out on a date, but we all know from all of the articles about creeps and assholes on Tinder that sometimes people just don't know how to ask people out on a date. Plus Tinder isn't the only way to meet and date people. There might be a cute girl or guy in your class and you're thinking of asking them out but you're not sure how to go about it. There are three basic rules when it comes to asking someone out: don't be too desperate, too over-confident, or too shy. Keep things casual. You don't want to piss them off or freak them out.

1. Don't be too desperate.

If you're in the same class maybe suggest you work on a project together. Casually suggest you get together sometime after class. Say 'I'll call you sometime,' and if you don't have their number they will probably provide it. Nothing major, no big deal. Don't be too keen and start texting them as soon as they walk away. Maintain a little mystery as to how you feel. Say 'I'll send you a WhatsApp/Viber/other messenger app.' Super casual but non-committal leaving them the option to be wooed rather than doing the wooing. The ball is in your court and you're being super chill about it. There is nothing to freak out about, nothing to try too hard for. You're showing that you're interested but not totally invested in this relationship as your one and only chance for true happiness.

Don't:

'What's your number? What's your number? I can't call you if I don't have your number. And if you're interested in going out I really need it.' Demanding their number is going to make you sound like a desperate loser who hasn't gotten any in a long time. Which may be true but you don't want them to know that. Take a breather and focus on something other than your imagined future life together. Don't freak out when you see that they have seen your message (thank you blue tick) and message them again. 'Hey, I just sent you a message and I noticed you haven't replied, just wondering if your internet was down maybe because you have my number so you could have called. Maybe your phone is out of power. I'll hit you up on Facebook maybe.' Then proceed to write about town more messages in the space of thirty minutes. When they do get around to messaging you back, imagine how freaked out they'll be to see that you're obsessed with them. No one likes having a stalker, unless of course you're Bella Swan.

Do:

Say 'I'll Facebook you.' Again nothing major and doesn't immediately suggest that you've fallen madly in love with them. Everyone goes on Facebook nowadays, you're probably friends with everyone in your class already. Having a project or something in common like that will give you something to talk about and while you are messaging you can creep on his/her likes and you might find you have something else in common that you can slip into the conversation. Just don't mention that's why you brought it up. Be slightly cooler than that.

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Don't:

Stalk them incessantly on Facebook and message them constantly. Don't freak out if they haven't replied to your message that you've just sent, even though you know they're online because you saw they liked something. The next best course of action is not to like every single one of their posts or comment on all their pictures about how pretty they look. Definitely don't poke them to try to get them to notice you because you'll probably just get more frustrated when you can't poke them a second time. So you send another five messages. If they are wise they will probably block you because you're acting like a desperate lunatic. Calm the f*ck down.

2. Don't be over-confident.

Invite them to drinks with your friends. Not too romantic or intimate and they could always bring their friends too. It is a totally low-risk option because even if they are busy or not interested you can still have a great night out with your friends. Plus you're showing that you do actually have a life outside class and are interesting enough to have friends. You're clearly showing them that you are interested because you're inviting them into your friend group, your inner circle, and you're not afraid to do it.

Don't:

'Compliment' them on how f*cking hot they are in really crude Tinder speak: 'You got sweet tits, I want to rub my face in them.' Or something more subtle like: 'I love every muscle in your body, including mine.' Stop being gross. It would be totally justified if he/she left right then and there, no matter how much alcohol is involved. The only time these sorts of things are fun/cool/funny to say, is when you are saying them ironically. Do not lead with them. You'll look like an arrogant toad.

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Do:

Tell them you've heard great things about a popular movie that's playing and ask if they might want to go see it with you this weekend or sometime. Not too much of a risky option because you don't have to make conversation in the cinema, and afterward you can talk about the film. There's a reason why first dates are often going to the movie. Not just the potential sneaky shift down the back. However, this is a more intimate 'date' and having the balls to actually ask them out on a date without being a douche or unbelievably shy is a very attractive feature.

Don't:

Use some sleazy dirty pickup line that isn't even that clever and makes them want to punch you in the face: 'Your Daddy must have been a baker, 'coz those are some nice buns hun,'What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari,' 'F*ck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura.' You're a douchebag. Go get drunk and party with your homeboys, because no one else is going to want to hang out with you. Unless you're hot and in that case, you are very lucky but that train ride can only last so long.

3. Don't be too shy.

After class maybe ask them if they'd like to go get a coffee and discuss whatever class was about. You could stick to solely class topic if you're too shy to suggest any other topic. Maybe talk about whether or not you're a tea person or a coffee person or an equal opportunities beverage consumer. If you can talk to your friends you can talk to the person you have a crush on. No big deal. Feeling brave enough to ask about dinner? After long day of lectures or after a college gig or exhibition ask them all casually if they're hungry and if they'd like to go out and get something to eat with you. Doesn't everyone get hungry every once in a while? Not too risky and potentially a great date.

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Don't:

Stumble and mumble and blurt out something like: 'Yeah...OK...coffee...?' whimpering and sweating and then eventually after two minutes of awkward wheezing you walk away. You will just end up leaving them confused and wondering whether you were even talking to them or if you had a Bluetooth set on. And instead of asking them out for dinner, you rush off at the end of a night or after class with a: 'I'm hungry, I'm going to go get something. OK, bye.' You just totally dropped them and probably left the would-be suitor feeling confused and dazed and wondering if they just dodged a bullet. To be fair, they kind of have.

Do:

If you see them out in the bar or maybe even are messaging them online, ask them to let you buy them a drink sometime. Cute and flirty and they're getting a free drink out of it so it's a win-win situation. There's nothing to be afraid of, plus alcohol will be involved so you will, hopefully, not be as desperately shy as you are in real life.

Don't:

When you see them in a bar and they smile and wave, do not run off and throw up in the bathroom. They're a human being too, you are totally able to talk to them. Have a shot and pull yourself together. Again alcohol will numb out any and all inhibitions, stop freaking out. The only thing that can happen is they reject you. Which would not be the end of the world. Contrary to popular belief there isn't only one person out there for you, you've got options. Go explore them.

Orlaith Costello
Article written by
Orlaith is a Creative Writing graduate from NUI Galway. Hailing from the low lying fields of Athenry, or at least what’s left of the low lying fields. She enjoys the internet as a means of living vicariously through others from the safe confines of her own bed. She will initiate a dance off after at least two drinks on any given night out.

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