For those of you who are fans of the idea of the perpetuation of monarchy, then we've got some fantastic news for you this Monday as Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have announced their engagement. If however you place no value in outdated forms of ensconcing vast amounts of wealth and power within a hereditary hierarchy, then please refer to this gif of Alan Partridge for the correct response to this news.
Prince Harry is going to marry Meghan Markle. pic.twitter.com/4e6rXoh2tv
— BenchWarmers (@BeWarmers) November 27, 2017
According to Telegraph.co.uk Clarence House made the announcement in a statement that Harry was engaged to Ms. Markle. I have neither the knowledge, nor the will to discover, whether that is simply a man named 'Clarence House' that made the announcement or whether it is actually some institution related to the monarchy. Both seem equally plausible, but I think I enjoy the idea of a man existing who goes by the name of 'Clarence House' more, so that's the side of this fence I'm falling on.
The announcement from our boy C-House read: "His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales is delighted to announce the engagement of Prince Harry to Ms. Meghan Markle".
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The wedding is expected to take place in Spring 2018. Harry has apparently sought and received the blessing of Ms. Markle's parents, who said in a statement regarding the news, "We are incredibly happy for Meghan and Harry. Our daughter has always been a kind and loving person. To see her union with Harry, who shares the same qualities, is a source of great joy for us as parents".
Ever the bastion of journalistic integrity, we have hired a pioneering 'Truth Translator' to translate their heavily prepared statement into what they actually meant. The translation he provided reads as follows; "Hot damn. Hot fucking damn. Our daughter has hit the absolute jackpot here. A prince. A real life actual prince. Obviously all of her siblings are now doomed to a life of feeling grossly inferior, given that all of their spouses are unremarkable 'non-royals'. Now if you'll excuse us we need to pack up all our things so we can see which palace we can move into."
The Queen is apparently perfectly accepting of the news of their engagement.
