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The Pumpkin Spice Latte Has Returned To Starbucks' Menu, Summer's Officially Dead

The Pumpkin Spice Latte Has Returned To Starbucks' Menu, Summer's Officially Dead

Do not look to the leaves on the trees to tell you of the change of seasons; ignore their feted shift from green to mottled brown. Do not look to the creatures of the world to tell you of summer's end; disregard the squirrels beginning to stuff their cheeks with plump nuts in advance of frigid winter. Do not heed the calendar's call, telling you of one season's end, for it is irrelevant. They are all irrelevant. They are of the old world, no longer needed, redundant.

Now, the only way that anybody worth their salt allows themselves to be notified of autumn's arrival is through seasonal menu changes of internationally franchised coffee outlets. Our school curriculums should be designed to reflect this. In any primary school, whenever a teacher asks "How do we tell when summer's ended and autumn has begun?" A slew of grubby hands should shoot into the air, all eagerly vying for the right to give the only, government-mandated correct answer; "You'll be able to buy a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks." And whichever one of the filthy, jam-covered children, gets this right will be given - not a gold-star - but an extra stamp on their Starbucks l0yalty card. However, in this vision of the future, should any child answer with any reference to drops in temperature; a shortening of daylight hours, or changes to leaf colour, they should have the harshet punishment possible exacted on them - being forced to watch their Starbucks loyalty card - which also doubles as a person's, national citizenship card - shredded before their very eyes.

All this is to say that Starbucks have made Pumpkin Spice Latte's available on their menu again, as its apparently suitably autumnal enough for their arrival. They have released a video, which will slightly elaborate upon the points made in the previous sentence, re: the release of the Pumpkin Spice Latte. This video is also notable for the fact that the protagonist in it seems to have a pumpkin for a head. Rather than people rushing to provide her with urgent medical care however, those she passes simply point and laugh. It is simultaneously a trite publicity video, and a truly callous insight into man's inhumanity to man.

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This year however, is no ordinary year. "Is it because this year marks the 325th birthday of the renowned 18th Century Danish Minister of State, Johan Ludvig Holstein?" I hear you cry. And to that, I must say, "Absolutely not." It is notable because, this year, Starbucks, have slightly expanded their range of Pumpkin Spice Latte's. For those of you sick of having to get your gently-spiced coffee in a hot format, then you're in luck, as they've releaseed a cold version, the Pumpkin Spice Iced Cold Foam Macchiato.

Get 'em while they're hot - or cold, depending on your prefered format of PSL.

Also Read: 5 Ways To Beat Homesickness When You Start University

Rory McNab

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