Opinion

50 Things Irish Culchies Feckin' Love

50 Things Irish Culchies Feckin' Love

Here at CollegeTimes.com we don't think Irish culchies get enough attention in the world of the internet. A rare breed, their interests and tastes are all too-often ignored. It's time to set that record straight.

We've put together just a few ... well, 50 actually ... examples of what the passions of an Irish culchie in 2015 are....

1. Having the dinner in the middle of the day

'How can you eat the dinner at 1 o'clock?'

'Sure haven't I a day's work done already!'

Also, by the way. You could bring in two articulated lorry loads of rice and pasta for the dinner but if there aren't spuds then it technically isn't dinner.

2. Nathan Carter

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He has a popularity across sexes and generations that Daniel O'Donnell can only dream of. But if I hear that Wagon Wheel song once more I'll have to punch something.

3. Superdry Jackets

Superdry jackets, Superdry t-shirt, Superdry hoodies ... Superdry everything!

4. The phrase 'Sure lookit'

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Here's a challenge: try and come up with a question that cannot be answered with 'sure lookit.'

Sure lookit is the answer to every problem, every tricky situation. Sure lookit is all things to all men.

5. Quoting Fr Ted at every bloody opportunity, no matter the context

It's not unusual for those organising the raffle to actually win the raffle...

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6. Going to see Fr Ted's house

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They take you in and give you a pot of tea and scones that you'd literally crawl on your hands and knees from Australia to Clare to eat. Unreal lad.

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7. Iced buns

Culchie mammies love feeding you shitty fuckin iced buns, that you get beside the biscuits in the local shop. As stale as last year's bread and as tasty too.

8. Having blisters on their hands

Sure isn't it a sign of hard work!? Gives you something to pick at as well.

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9. Dhrawin' in silage

The greatest time of the year. Flat out.

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10. Going to mass

Not just because it's tradition but because when everyone else in Ireland has stopped going to mass we may as well be different. Plus, sure where would you get the news if you weren't there?

11. Mitching mass

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The only thing better than going to mass is not going to mass but letting on that you did!

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12. T-shirts with a load of writing on the front

Diesel t-shirts for the win!

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13. Brendan Grace

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The greatest comedian that ever lived and don't try argue different.

14. Doin' doughnuts in cars

Fuckin twin cams hye! Some job.

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15. Being up earlier than you

'Ah bejaysis you get up a while every day! Sure I'm nearly set for bed I've been up that long! Up at 4 o'clock this mornin, I was!'

16. Lyin' across gates

Lyin' across gates, lookin at sweet f all, talkin about sweet f all. Don't knock it until you've tried it. It's peacefulness that the Dali Lama could only dream of.

17. The school bus

The best place to be for most of your life before college.

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Imagine if a CIE bus was like the school bus? You'd be heading from Dublin to Galway hoping the person beside you doesn't jock you or that if you're old enough you might be allowed sit down the back.

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18. Stonewashed, bootcut jeans

What brand? Crosshatch, of course!

19. Wearing black shoes with stoneswashed, bootcut jeans

Nothing says fashion like black shoes with blue jeans. The only thing that comes close is brown Timbalands and blue jeans.

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20. Goin shpinnin'

Going around drivin' with nowhere in particular to get to. Gets a bit creepy when you see them drive up the town after a disco for the 100th time.

21. Putting 'th' and 'sh' into everything

Whisht, would ye shtop! Sure that Dublin hoor wants his bread butthered on both sides and us paying wawther charges this 20 yearsh!

22. Flannerys

Every single time you come to Dublin.

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23. Coppers

Well this goes without saying.

24. Bringing hurleys feckin everywhere

Just in case the random person in the shop/street/dentist/leaving cert exam hall doesn't know you play hurling.

25. Stew

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It'd warm the cockles of your heart.

Photo of of Irish Stew or Guinness Stew made in an old well worn copper pot. Photo of of Irish Stew or Guinness Stew made in an old well worn copper pot.

26. Getting married to their neighbour

Sure why go out of the parish for a burger when you've got steak at home?

27. Hit the Diff

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The biggest song of all time. Ever. End of.

28. Local festivals

The Fair of Muff is definitely the best named local event in Ireland.

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29. Check shirts

Short-sleeved check shirts, at that.

30. Saying 'Sure where would get it?' about anything that happens, ever

'Some craic tonight lad.'

'A sure where would you get it?'

31. Maniac 2000

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The second biggest song of all time, after Hit the Diff.

32. Standin' in gaps

Man, woman or child, if there are cattle to be moved then you will find yourself in a gap. And may God have mercy on your soul if you let any beast by you!

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33. Grand Designs

Grand Designs, About the House, Room For Improvement. Anything to do with some lad building somethin'.

34. Shneerin' at auld lads

It's almost like a code of honour. A changing of the guard, if you will. One day you're the young one sneerin' at the auld one, the next day you're the auld one getting sneered at.

35. Telling someone how young they were when they first drove a tractor

'Sure my fella was drivin' from he was three years old. As thrue as I'm here!'

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36. Putting up Facebook posts about speed vans

'Speed van down beside the lower Timmeny chapel.'

37. Using the word 'cunt' as a term of endearment

'The poor cunt is at home dosed with the flu, hye!'

38. Buyin' gates

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Sure if you didn't but the gates then what would you have to lie across!?

Saw this is Duagh had to post it sooo funny up Kerry he was running with wellies fair play

Posted by Bernie Hart on Monday, 16 November 2015

39. Bread and ham

Bread and ham for breakfast, bread and ham for dinner, bread and ham for tea ... Bread and ham for feckin everything! If some people had their way, the main course at their wedding would be bread and ham!

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40. Chains

A Superdry jacket, stonewashed bootcut jeans, a check shirt with the top three or four buttons open and chain hanging to nearly your belly button. This look is starting to take shape!

41. Setting up a Twitter account solely to get local GAA results

A complete sub-group of Twitter that the powers that be have no clue exists. They're on Twitter only to get local results and nothing else. No time for hashtags or any of the that crap. Just tell me who won the u12 league final and I'll be gone again.

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42. Warning people about icy roads

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'Jays now be fierce careful on that road. I know it's June but sure black ice could get you at any stage!'

43. Goin' out in the back arse of nowhere

'Come to Electric Picnic? No I'm grand thanks. Meself and aul Jimmy the whip are lookin into a couple of pints here at the cross.'

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44. Peculiar methods of seduction

Sure what does Ryan Gosling's character in Crazy Stupid Love know about women!?

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45. Talking about yesterday's weather

'Wet theday...' 'Aye, Jaysis yesterday was some day....' 'Ah would ye quit!? It fuckin' bet out!'

46. Farming related memes

Either farming related or something to do with getting the turf home.

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47. Movin' the fence

Ask someone from Dublin what they think 'movin the fence' means.

48. Getting lifts in the back of vans

Say nawthin!

49. Abusing their siblings about their size

'Jaysis you're fadin' away. I'm bigger than you now you know!'

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50. Starting every single conversation with 'well'

Well lad.

Mark Farrelly

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