13 Totally Rational And Dignified Ways to Deal With a Breakup

Sometimes breakups make us a little crazy. We spend a significant amount of time with a person, show them who we are, and all of a sudden, they are just gone. It stings. Here are 13 totally rational and completely realistic ways to deal with that kind of hurtful situation.

1. Call him every 5 minutes for an entire 24 hours.

You need to call him and sort everything out. Call persistently so he knows you're serious about fixing things and rekindling your love for one another. Take a break after 24 hours since he might be busy. You have to make sure he knows you are sensitive to his needs.



2. Call his mom.


His mom has always been the voice of reason. Tell her about your breakup and convince her to talk to him for you. Tell her that you want to work things out and try again. She's sure to be sympathetic to your situation and help you out. You could also try contacting his sister, aunt, or grandma. There will all definitely be on your side.


3. Bring him massive amounts of flowers.

You did wrong and you want your man to know you acknowledge this. This romantic gesture will be sure to win his heart back. If possible, bring them to him when he's at work. This will make sure you stay on his mind. If you're lucky a co-worker of his will inquire about the flowers and may even persuade him to try again with you. After all, you are obviously trying to make things work.



4. Write songs about him and play them outside his house at night.

Belt out all of your unresolved feelings in front of his window like you're in a rom-com. Music speaks to the soul, so if this doesn't work, nothing will. Be sure to tell him that it feels like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on repeatedly. This will portray to him how much he really hurt you.


5. Memorize his schedule and "bump into him" every couple of days.

Use the internet to figure out as much as you can about his schedule. Then, plan out some encounters. Dress really nicely, put a lot of effort into your makeup and hair, then casually run into him. Talk about all the good things that are happening in your life. Just make sure you're constantly talking.



6. Go to a party he'll be at, get messy-drunk, and tell him everything you need to tell him.

Alcohol will allow you both to talk about your feelings unfiltered, and that's a good thing. Things will get super honest. Take this time to scream and cry and just get everything out there. The best part is that since you were so drunk, you won't even remember enough the next day to be embarrassed, and since he wasn't as drunk as you, he will remember the thoughtful conversation you had. It's a win-win.


7. Completely alter everything about yourself and text him about all the changes you've made.


If your man doesn't like who you are, become someone different. Chop off your hair and dye it. Get super buff. Force yourself to have a liking for fine wines. Morph yourself into the person he would love to be with, then text him in vivid detail about the strides you've made to become perfect for him.


8. Hang out with all his best friends.

If you go to movies with your guys friends, they are bound to realize that you are actually a really cool person that their friend needs to be with. If his friends aren't interested in you tagging along, show up at these public events anyway and sit next to them. Eventually, they will form a liking to you.




9. Sleep with someone close to him and make sure he finds out about it.

If your man has broken up with you, he has obviously forgotten all the positive qualities you possess- including your sexual capabilities. Sleep with someone really, really close to his heart like his childhood best friend and find a way to make sure the news of this act gets out. This will remind you how easily you can seduce even the most strong-willed of men and he will come crawling back to you on his hands and knees.


10. Post multiple brutally honest Facebook posts about every feeling you are experiencing.


Seek support from you Facebook friends in this time of heartbreak. Spew out your nastiest, ugliest thoughts about your man, being sure to include all the gruesome details of your recent split. People will flock to support you and compliments will rain down about how incredible of a person you are. Additionally, you will have people to talk to about how pompous your man is for leaving.


11. Create a fake Facebook account, contact him, make him fall in love with you, then squash his tiny, little heartbreaker heart.

Revenge is the best medicine. Taylor Swift taught us that. Catfish him into loving you. Then rip his heart into pieces like he did to yours. He will think twice about breaking up with someone again. You did a number of future women a favour.



12. Use the information you know about him to alter his life slightly.

You aren't being vindictive. Even though you could use his passwords, credit card numbers, and social security number to really destroy your man's life, you wouldn't do that. Instead, you try to help him. For example, he has often talked about wanting to go to Hong Kong. Plan out a month-long trip for him, charge it to his bank account, and sent everything to him in a nicely-worded email. There is no way he won't think about the mistake he made getting rid of you when he's in first class sipping margaritas.


13. Send him a letter about the future you've created for you both.

Take the time to map out your future with your man. Include dates and times you want to get married and conceive a child together.  He will appreciate all the thought you put into having a future with him, and he will start to think about how wonderful spending the rest of his life with you really would be.

(...Orrrrr don't do any of these things. I never was that good at giving advice.)



Video: If Your Girlfriend Was Actually Crazy



Credit: CollegeHumor

Shanell Peterson
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