We've all heard the expression "Life deals each of us our own hand", or something along those lines. But for those of us who've been dealt the hand that sadly includes a flaky friend, we deserve the most empathy. Here are the struggles we have to go through just to refrain from strangling our beloved flaky friend to death on a daily basis...
1) You never know if they're actually gonna show up when you make plans.
It's one thing making plans the day before and hoping one night isn't enough time for them to have come up with an excuse to cancel. Unfortunately, any length of time longer than one night and they'll more than likely have an excuse rehearsed to perfection.
2) And if they do, chances are they're late.
Then again, you're probably too delighted that they actually showed up to even get mad about having to wait forty-five minutes for them.
3) Their mood swings are so unpredictable.
One minute you're skipping down the pavement hand in hand, the next they're breathing fire out of their nose and you're wondering where it all went wrong. Did they even mean it when they said they didn't mind whether we went to McDonalds or Burger King?
4) Constantly listening to their excuses gets old.
You're at the stage now where you're trying so hard to convince yourself to believe that their gran really did get stuck on the Stannah stairlift again and needs to be helped out of it.
5) Especially when you know it's utter bullshit.
There are only so many times that an old woman can fuck up sitting down and pressing a button though...
6) You start to get paranoid about whether they like you or not.
Flaky friends have this God-awful way of making other people feel as insufficient as a credit card that just got declined. They make you think they must hate you because why else would they cancel four times in a row and not ask to reschedule?
7) And even when you ask them straight out, you struggle to believe their answer.
Because you can literally smell the bullshit as soon as they open their mouth.
8) Texting them is basically asking to be ignored.
If you're lucky, you might get a reply within two days of sending the text. Otherwise, it's either call to their house or go on live TV to talk directly to them. Even at that you might not hear from them for a few hours or so, depending on their mood.
9) "Maybe" is their favourite word in their entire vocabulary.
Fuck you and your fucking maybes, you stupid son of a bitch. Love you.
10) They are THE WORST people to do group projects with.
And group projects are shit enough as it is without the added stress of being teamed with a flaky person. You just know they're going to be the one who disappears mid-week and isn't seen or heard from until the day before the assignment is due.
11) You can't trust them with anything.
"Oh, you didn't want anyone to know? My bad."
12) They're not afraid to pull out of plans at the last minute.
Even if you've finished work early to come home and get dolled up for your big night on the town. Even if you've downed your naggin and you're ready and waiting at the front door. Even if you beg and plead with them to come out for just one drink...
13) You're guaranteed to lose them on a night out.
We already know they won't text back and calling in a nightclub is impossible, so how the fuck do you find them on a night out? The thing is, you don't. You give up and go home alone. They're probably off having the time of their life with other flaky people who have ditched their friends too, and they're all gonna go for a flaky 2am pizza together as well. (Bitter, me?)
14) They can never remember your birthday.
Friends for four years and you still have to give them three chances? Get the fuck out.