Kain Devine
Kain Devine
It's customary on Youtube nowadays, when people find one of it's weirder videos to post "I'm on the weird side of the internet" in the pursuit of being funny and well because often it's true. However, these people clearly have not been on Craiglist. Craiglist is described as a classified advertisement website. I however call it the place where Humanity goes to die and it's really the creepy friend that invites you for a sleepover only to watch you while you sleep. It's the old pervert that knows your name even though you've never been introduced. It's the missed connections in the paper except half the people want you to shove something up their ass and the other half want you to shove up yours. It's... Fucking weird really.
For me though I see is as a hilarious yet twisted place to get a good laugh. In the pursuit of that good laugh I have scoured Craigslist and found some of the best posts for your amusement. Enjoy.
5 minutes into this and I've already found someone trying to sell "very worn" knickers. I hope she means it in the poetical sense of being tired and ran down and not of... well covered in shits marks. She's selling them at 20 euro a pop and supposedly has many which should really lower the price due to more product then demand and because they're fucking worn but hey... God loves a trier no matter how worn their panties are.
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You know that teacher you had that would take ages to correct tests and you wondered what they were doing that would come in the way of telling you what an awesome student you were? Well this is totally what they were doing. Rather then correcting your bullshit essay on Hamlet or some story about your summer trip, they're marking stuff on how much people want to fuck them in humorous and original ways which I presume means their essays won't end in the convential "It was all a dream." Get your shit together students.
When I saw this I nearly pissed my pants which ironically lead me for a brief moment to believe I could sell my "very worn" pants as well but I eventually got it together. The headline made me think that this was either just a bunch of ginger guys that wanna hang out and maybe play some footie. Turns out it's just a dude looking to fuck a ginger guy which to be honest on Craiglist, should have been my first thought.
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If you can't read it: "Looking for a woman who wants to have no strings attached sex without the use of a condom. Birth contril is optional. I'm not looking for anything weird or outlandish, just straightforward sex with the goal of filling you and letting nature take its course...."
I'm guessing that by nothing "Weird" or "outlandish" this guy actually did mean weird and outlandish cause fuck me this scary. Every time I read it all I picture is Steve Buschemi with John Waters' moustache whispering this in to whichever woman's ear he picked up in his white van this month. Also sex with the purpose of filling you with a baby is a string attached. Actually no it's a huge fucking string attached. It's the biggest string attached ever.
Beat poetry at it's finest. Have no idea what it means but my God it stirs the emotions. I think this should be sent to the english teacher looking for essays on why you want to fuck him and see what grade it's given. A for effort Chaos wizard but a D overall.
Finally this is either the least or most threatening post on all of Craiglist. So many unanswered questions in this. Is the electrician/handyguy thing code for some gruesome new sex adventure? Is the picture of the whale's tale supposed to be a representation of his dick? Is this just an electrician that likes whales and wanted to spread the whale love? I'm not a scientist so I know none of the answers to these questions so stop asking them.
Follow Kain on Twitter @Kainyewest.
