Hey Internet reader! I...I think I really like you...like a whole bunch...!
I'm literally sweating onto my keyboard as I write this...I'm nervous...
And if you were here in person?! If you were here, right in front of me?...
Oh hot-dayyum, I would melt...like an ice-cream melting onto someone's fingers in a park on a Sunday. Nice-messy. But seriously though I'm sure I'd act mad. I can't process simple stuff like emotion, I guess. What can I say, I'm a guy.
Here's a pre-warning of how most guys who fall bad would act...
It's true (Or is it?! ...Sorry I'll stop now, that could've went on a while!)
If I like you, I suddenly remember crazy-amazing things about my past achievements that were previously non-existent to this point:
Oh, I saved three orphans from a disaster recently.
Oh, I was gonna become the President of a really really cool country, but then thought fuck it, it'd take me away from the dog shelter for too long, y'know?
Oh, everyone thinks 'To Pimp A Butterfly' was all Kendrick's idea.
Oh, I won a big competition recently...It was a competition on being the best... And I won it... Because, well I don't like to brag...
Oh, I'm the guy who came up with all the Chuck Norris jokes... Like all of them.
2. We Literally Lose Our Cool.
And I mean physically. I just become so much more aware of my weak, useless, uncool limbs when I'm around you. No position seems cool enough to lean/sit/stand in. So I always panic and go for the ol' 'One leg up on a seat, chin on wrist, elbow on knee, my package dangerously close to your lips...
3. We Take On Stupid Bets/Hobbies In An Effort To Impress.
Stab yourself in the hand with this knife...Dude no...Whadd-r-yhu, chicken?! .) Then there's the guy that takes up a hobby he thinks a girl would find impressive.
So Tom, you plait Horse Manes for Horse shows now as a hobby, huh? (or you know...something stupid about horses, I don't know...its Tuesday cut me some slack)
4. We Laugh At Everything You Say.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha...fuck me, you are so unfunny....Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
5. We Forget About Every Other Aspect Of Our Lives If You're Free For 'Coffee.'
Nah its cool...its only my Grandad, I can visit the grave after the funeral mass, yeah coffee sounds good! ...What's that? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
6. We Wear Sluttier Clothes.
For guys that means we put a little more though into what we wear. So like, if I've got a shirt on, and I'm not in a nightclub? Phew, you got me hot!!!
7. We Are Half-Mast Whenever You're Around.
If we like you in that way. Wait, that's totally just me, isn't it? ...Oh. Awkward... I'd get my coat and leave, but I need a couple of minutes to sit here with my legs half-crossed.
8.We Write You Poetry...
You just never know about it. Because its so emotionally heart-wrenching. And crappy.
"There once was a girl from my lecture,
A word that rhymes with lecture is conjecture,
That seemed so weak,
I'm too nervous to speak,
So I'll just drool over your amaze-Profile picture."
So there you have it, and whaddya say? Want to date me, flawed and weird as I am?
Video: Guys Explain How They Flirt