I'm definitely in the minority of people who think first dates are fun. They can range from terrifying/boring/disastrous to the start of something beautiful. Unfortunately, the build up to a first date is usually more enjoyable than the actual date itself as expectations are more often than not, better than reality...
The Prep
Expectation:
Right, I'm gonna make some kind of an effort, he did actually ask me out so he can't be a total f*ckboy. And his Tinder said over 6 ft so heels should be grand. Right, new dress and heels; sorted. I better shave everywhere too, just in case. And sure I'll do tan as well while I'm at it.
Reality:
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Shit, it's tonight and I've nothing to wear. Fuck the shaving too, I won't be going near him like that no matter how drunk I get.
Seeing Them In Person For The First Time
Expectation:
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This might actually be it. Fuck, this might be the very first time I see my future husband. He did look gorgeous in his photos in fairness.
Reality:
For fucks sake, are you kidding me?! This guy is practically a midget. Fine, slight exaggeration but seriously, is this actually him? New plan: you've made it this far, just get hammered and get through it.
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The Plan
Expectation:
Sure, he'll have something cool and fun planned out. He was the one who asked me out. Dinner and then a few drinks or something. He's obviously thought ahead about this.
Reality
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You're met with "Uh, so, where dyu wanna go?" and end up wedged into a shitty pub clutching the cheapest beers and attempting to pry his attention away from the football playing on the giant TV screen behind you. Romance at its finest.
Flirty Conversation
Expectation:
You exchange witticisms and cute anecdotes across the table with each other. You can practically feel the chemistry sizzle between you.
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Reality:
You exchange stilted conversation and jokes that sound funny in your head but fall flat across a barrel-type table in the packed smoking area.
Subtle Body Contact/Language
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Expectation:
You lock eyes. His hand brushes the small of your back. He's being a gentleman but also showing you that he's interested.
Reality:
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His eyes are locked on your tits and his hand is glued to your arse.
The Goodbye Kiss
Expectation:
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The full swept-off-your-feet movie star kiss in the rain. Or at the very least a decent shift before he hails you a taxi.
Reality:
He lunges at you and what follows is the typical messy drunken kiss. He injects about a pound of saliva into your mouth but you're too pissed to give a shit at this point.
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The Aftermath
Expectation:
You wake up to a cute text from him like "Had a great night, you're amazing. Do it again next week? x".
Reality:
You wake up next to him snoring and smelling like piss. No idea where your underwear/sanity have got to. Jesus, he really is a midget. Who ends up ghosting you. Yep, first dates can be the worst.
