More Than Friends? Signs Your 'Flirtationship' Has Gone Too Far

Nobody's perfect. Just because you're in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you stop noticing other attractive people around you. It happens, especially if you're going through a tough time with your current partner. The grass might begin to look greener in your hot friend's garden. Maybe you have someone you've always been kind of flirty with, but never thought it could lead anywhere because you're taken. Maybe you've started caring for this person more than you should. Things have moved passed flirty banter and everyone has noticed. It's only a matter of time before someone gets hurt. Emotional infidelity can be just as damaging as physically cheating on someone. It might be time to pull the reins and close up the stable. Here are some signs your flirtationship has gotten out of hand...

1) You Dress Up For Them

You always try to look your best around them, without being too obvious about it. When they notice, it makes your day. When you buy new clothes or change your hairstyle, you always wonder what (s)he'll think. If you care more about their opinion than your girl/boyfriend's, there's definitely more going on here than you'd care to admit.

2) You Do More for Them Than Others

If they ever need a favour, you're always there for them. When they're down, you cheer them up. You hang out with them more than your other friends, you even go on 'friend dates', i.e. coffees and movies. It seems innocent enough, but they're beyond 'just friends'.

3) You Talk More To Them Than Your Girl/Boyfriend

It might have started out because you saw them more than your boyfriend, in college or whatever, but now study nights are running later than they used to. You often eat together afterwards as well. You might prefer to eat lunch with them than with your girl/boyfriend. And when you really think about it, you're really seizing every available opportunity to hang out with them. You can't wait to check your phone for the latest text or Facebook message from them. You talk all day and night... when was the last time you did that with your girl/boyfriend?

4) You Feel They Understand You More Than Anyone Else

You feel like you two 'get' each other, more than anyone else could. If you're having a bad day, they always seem to know why and how to make it better. Then you think of your girl/boyfriend and get annoyed because they never seem to understand anything about your feelings.

5) You Laugh More With Them

One of your favourite things in the world is making them laugh and you always have a great time around them. Actually, you have more fun with them than with your current partner, so much so that you prefer their company to your girl/boyfriend's.

6) You Feel You Have More In Common With Them

Which is how your friendship began in the first place. You've never met anyone who likes nearly everything you do. Not even your girl/boyfriend has that much in common with you. Granted, sometimes you feel like they're a carbon copy of you (except their appearance and perhaps gender, depending what you're into). This might make you think you'd never work as a proper couple. It won't change your behaviour though...

7) You Think About Them All The Time

Your daydreams always include this person, almost to the exclusion of your partner. You think about what it would be like to be with them, whether it would work, whether they'd be a better fit for you than your girl/boyfriend. Ultimately, you can never decide. You can't predict the future, after all.

8) You Insist You're Friends, But You Know You're Not

Your friends ask what's going on and even your girl/boyfriend has asked what the deal with you two is. You insist you're just friends, but you know it's more complicated than that. You know you should cut it out, but it's difficult to stop. Don't ignore what others are saying. If you're defending this platonic relationship to your friends, it's certainly something to look at.

9) You Don't Mention Them To Your Girl/Boyfriend

They know you're friends with them, but you aren't totally honest about the ins and outs of your relationship. There have been a few times when you've gone for coffee with your 'friend' and didn't mention it to your girl/boyfriend because it 'wasn't a big deal', even though you might have spent all morning getting ready to meet them and it might have been the highlight of your week. Many times these relationships are made at work, or class when your partner isn't around, they might not ever even meet them. If you aren't comfortable talking to your partner about your 'friend', it might be because you're actually feeling guilty about what is going on. If there was nothing going on, you wouldn't have to lie, would you?

10) You Don't Talk About Your Girl/Boyfriend to Them

That would be like having your worlds collide. It would make the situation more 'real'. It wouldn't be a fun flirty conversation, it would make the fact that you are doing something in the morally grey area more obvious. If they ever ask about your girl/boyfriend you instantly change the conversation. Do you not want to remind them that you are taken?

11) You Get Jealous

If you're out in a group and they start chatting up someone, or someone else starts chatting them up, you get insanely jealous. You know it's unfair and you have no right to be jealous, but you can't help it. Whenever you do see them with someone else, you're filled with rage and you can't explain it to your other friends, because that would mean admitting to them, and yourself, that you have feelings for them.

12) You've Told Them Things You Haven't Told Anyone

Maybe because you feel like you connect well, but as your friendship/flirtationship progressed you've been more open with them than you have been with your boyfriend. It makes you wonder why you haven't talked about those things with your partner. These deep conversations just make you feel so much closer to them, like you are in each other's trust. It's a dangerous situation, one that you have be very careful in, or you might end up breaking three people's hearts.

13) You Can't Concentrate On Anything When They Are Around

This is a typical sign that you are attracted to them. Other things, like your lecturer's slides, seem to fade away and all you can notice is the way they keep running their hand through their hair or tapping their pen on their notebook. It's infinitely more absorbing than the topic being discussed. You lose track of time and thoughts of your girl/boyfriend rarely interrupt; when they do you feel awful and guilty. Seems like you're in trouble to me...

14) Everything Feels Intense

When you're around them, you feel special. You are more confident, you smile more brightly. You feel a thrill whenever they message you. Be careful, it might just be the thrill of the chase, the titillating notion of being wanted, desired. It's okay to enjoy it, but be careful. You might start craving it and wanting to be around them more and more. This is one of the most dangerous elements of emotional attraction. The intensification of feeling and sensation that accompanies new love can be a powerful turn-on. Don't fight the feeling, but don't nurture it either, not if you don't want to lose everything. Chances are you'll see the feeling fade over time, which is both a good thing and a bad thing, because you honestly don't want it to end, even though you know that it has to.



Rebecca Fox
Article written by
Becky Fox is a fun loving foxy lady who will never apologise for who she is. All about girl power and Lara Croft cosplay. A freak in the sheets and a bitch on the streets. Don't cross her, she has enough wit in her pinky to reduce you to tears. Fan of beanies and sunglasses and doing whatever, or whoever, the fuck she wants.
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